Read on Twitter
this is genuinely not a subtweet i’ve been thinking abt this for a while but this is a thread for any white person who has ever said “promise me you’ll call me out if i fuck up!” or anything to that effect
i truly, really, genuinely need u to sit down w yourself and understand that that is not. enough. it is not enough to put the onus on your foc (friend of color) and pat urself on the back for being a good ally.
what i also need u to understand is that we have all been here before, calling out a white friend on something.9/10 times that interaction, no matter how well intentioned, how practiced, how well done - goes poorly. there’s a good thread on the “white activist backlash” i’ll link
there is so much - SO MUCH - fear around every interaction with a white person. i rly need u to understand that on a deep level. even if we’re friends. even if we’ve been close. even if we’ve talked abt other shitty white people!!!!!
the fear that i’ll say the wrong thing and suddenly the backlash will hit - you will be able to use social capital and privilege i do not have to hurt me in some way. the fear that you will poke and prod at my identity to try and learn something and then use it against me
so u can understand that even w a really close relationship - that fear seeps into evrything. it is embedded into that relationship whether u like it or not. so u can see how i cant just “call you out” on things even with every reasonable suspicion that you’ll be amenable to it
and to be clear this is a personal thing but i know it resonates w other poc i’ve met. it takes a lot of work and a lot of unlearning to rid yourself of that fear that i haven’t done and some other folks have. not everyone tho.
so anyway, the point is - the onus is on YOU. saying “call me out if i’m being shitty” takes the onus and responsibility off of you, where it should SQUARELY be.
and to be clear - i have responsibility here too, with my black and indigenous and disabled and trans friends, where the onus is on me to make sure i am not just not being harmful but being actively harmLESS. intersectionality is a real thing
and i am happy to be called out where needed but also understand that the responsibility of being better falls to me and only me. i also want to apologize for any time i’ve said those words to someone i have privilege over. i won’t be doing that anymore.
