We often hear of The Golden Rule: we should do unto others the way we want them to do unto us; put simply, to treat others the way we want to be treated.

I’d like to introduce y’all to The Platinum Rule:

“The Platinum Rule says we should do unto others the way they want us to do unto them. In other words, you have to treat people the way they want to be treated, not the way you want to be treated. That requires a little more effort.”

The Golden Rule of treating others as you want to be treated is flawed.

A lot of people don’t care if they are treated poorly - “your opinion doesn’t matter to me, etc.”- and as a result, said individuals may find it okay to treat others poorly.

That’s not how it works.

I’ve made this mistake before: the idea of following the golden rule, falling under the perception that everyone should treat others the way they wish to be treated.

The reality of it is: people are complex.

Life is not clear cut.

It’s not one size fit all.

We have an est. population of 7.8 billion people in this world.

That is a lot of people.

There will be people we love & will connect incredibly well with.

There will also be the alternative.

We are going to encounter individuals in our lives that we may never get along with.

Every individual reacts and responds differently to the scenarios that we face, which makes sense, because we all have our own lived experiences which has contributed to who we are as a person.

As such, we’re all going to have different expectations & opinions too.

Communication is something that is KEY when it comes to engaging with others and forming relationships of any kind. Listening for the purpose of listening as opposed to listening to respond is also KEY.

Which brings me back to The Plantium Rule and why I wrote this thread.

We cannot control or change the actions of others. THEY have to be the ones to make that change.

There are many reasons why they may make the change, be it begrudgingly or not, due to legalities, etc., but ultimately, THEY are the ones who make that change in their behaviour.

... and it may not always happen.

There are many reasons why people may choose not to engage; they may not understand, they may feel attacked, they may not have the energy, they may be too busy, they may genuinely not care at all about what is being discussed, the list goes on.

There are many reasons why people may choose not to engage; we may never know why they do what they do & they may never share their thought process with us.

Ultimately, it is their choice to behave & respond in this manner. We, too, get to choose how we wish to behave & respond.

Sure, we can invite them to reflect deeply, we can share our lived experiences, we can try our hardest to find a middle ground.

However, if they’re unwilling to engage, then we need to recognize that and know when to take a step back and explore alternative options.

Now, this doesn’t mean we stop speaking up. This doesn’t mean we stop advocating, that we stop having conversations, that we don’t hold people accountable for their actions.

Our words and our actions can still have influence. Our words and our actions still make a difference.

Consider why we have protests, petitions, phone calls to our representatives, why we go out and vote, etc.

We want to communicate to others what is important; the aforementioned may be the best options available for us, because all other methods have not been successful.

... and that is our choice.

We choose how we wish to speak and engage with others. If the other person refuses to engage, that is their choice, and that choice and response is telling of their character.

Similarly, how we choose to respond is telling of our character.

There are a lot of unknowns out there. A lot of things we may not understand.

A few things are certain: we cannot control the actions of others, only our own; our actions are still influential, and it is up to us to decide what we choose to do.

Take from this thread what you will.

If anything, I hope it’s at least made you think deeply.

... and I hope you’ll remember The Platinum Rule.