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Let's talk about... drop, aka sub drop, Dom drop etc
As always: this is my opinion, yours may vary, there are no rules, and that’s the way uh huh (uh huh) I like it (uh huh).
As always: this is my opinion, yours may vary, there are no rules, and that’s the way uh huh (uh huh) I like it (uh huh).
Usually drop is referred to as “sub drop”, but it can happen to anybody participating in kink, be they sub, Dom, Top, bottom, switch, Sadist or whatever.
Drop is the feeling people often get after a scene.
Drop is the feeling people often get after a scene.
It might feel like sadness, loss, emptiness - it can vary, but the common link is it's a sad feeling, not a running around, wind in your hair, hills-are-alive-with-the-sound-of-music feeling. You can think of it as the anti-subspace.
It's caused by a mixture of things - chemicals in your body released during/after an intense scene (adrenaline, endorphins etc), the complex clash of emotions and sensations etc. You basically have the high of the experience, and then the low of coming back to the real world.
It'll affect different people in different ways - for some people it'll hit right after the scene ends, for some it might take two or three days. Some will feel it more than others. It's normal, so don't worry that something is wrong.
The key is to recognise when you're dropping, so you can manage it. A good start is to make sure you practice aftercare after a scene. For many people, aftercare is the first step of coping with drop. Have a cuddle, maybe a relaxing bath, wrap yourself in warm, fluffy towels.
You might want to be alone, to process your emotions perhaps. That's fine, maybe let your partner know you're ok but you need some peace and quiet. If your partner says this to you, don't feel you did something wrong - if anything, you did something very right!
You might like to journal about the session - getting the emotions and memories down on paper or screen can be a great way to work through everything. You might find it's a great way to share your feelings with your play partner - or not, it's totally up to you.
It can affect anyone, so as with everything in BDSM, communication is important. Let your partner know beforehand how you'll probably be after - if you both get drop shortly after, there'll be no awkwardness if your partner seems off - you'll know they're going through drop too.
I always recommend getting aftercare stuff ready before you start playing, so you can transition into it and start recovering easily. Put towels on the radiator, get tea or coffee making stuff ready and so on.
There's no real way to avoid drop - although I have seen people suggest drinking water before a scene and something sugary or high in caffeine after - but by learning how it affects you, it can be easier to handle.
So to recap:
- Drop is the sad/low sensation many feel after play
- It's normal
- It can happen even a few days later
- Don't fight it, just look after yourself
- Check in with play partners
- Communicate
- Drop is the sad/low sensation many feel after play
- It's normal
- It can happen even a few days later
- Don't fight it, just look after yourself
- Check in with play partners
- Communicate
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