i have been protected and supported by black male friends, who not only hear me, but respect what i have to say. i have also been disrespected and dismissed by black male lovers, who knew me most intimately, and to whom i gave the most respect to.

my experience has led me to believe that most black men are more loyal to their friendships than to their lovers— that they see love as a contractual obligation for black women to bear unnecessary pain, instead of an opportunity to serve that woman. to honor that woman.

so when i ask black men to protect black women, that means in love too. that means in love especially. because love is where the black woman is most vulnerable.