Ustaz @mizi_wahid and Ustaz Irwan did a IG live discussion today regarding raising boys to become gentlemen. A few takeaway points that I resonates to me:

-Train boys to do as much house work as girls
-Technology and internet cannot be avoided, so teach them from young gd vs bad
-Allow boys to express their feelings. It's not wrong to cry or show vulnerability
-Show that children's opinion matter, so ask their opinions
-Men shouldn't ridicule other men for wanting to make their wives happy (e.g. going home early after football game)
-Men should take opinions from their wives and their opinions matter as much those of their mothers
-Jokes that demean and at the expense of women is not acceptable in Islam
-Men shouldn't participate in "locker room talk". Men should intervene and stop such talks if it occurs in their presence
- If, as parents, we keep silent on things that aren't morally right, we are setting an example to our children. They are watching and learning from us.
I found out that Ustaz Irwan has uploaded the live sessions, both parts, on his IG and realised I missed a good 3/4 of the first part lol! I've taken notes of the parts that I missed out initially.

[Thread continues]
-To nurture boys to be gentlemen, they need to learn to honour women: How women should be treated and respected

-Men using religion to control women

-"You are only as good as what your family thinks of you"
-Hadith on Family: Best of you are best to their family

-Hadith: A believing man should never belittle a believing woman, even if he dislikes her (e.g. personality, character), find the many good things about her.
-Husband subtle oppression/microagression on wives:
E.g 1. jokingly belittles wife's cooking, crushing her self-confidence

E.g 2. Husbands joke abt taking another wife (ustaz marah eh ni)

E.g 3. Husband saying he goes out to work but wife stays home JUST taking care of kids
-How you treat your wife will be picked up by your children. If you treat your wife well (actions and speech),your daughter will know how she should be respected by men and your son will know how a woman should be treated

-If you want your son to be a gentleman, lead by example
- Ustaz haaaates the wrapped sweets and unwrapped sweets analogy for hijab and non hijab girls.

This reduces women to mere objects.
-Level of respect for women in Islam is high: A woman cannot describe the aurah of another woman to her husband, and a man cannot describe the aurah of another woman even to his wife.

What more to talk and make sexual references and innuendos, even for jokes.
-Be better listeners, listen without judgement, don't be dismissive
I'll link the live sessions here for those who probably want to watch yourselves.

Part 1:
https://www.instagram.com/tv/CBf6F5ahbdp/?igshid=1ab2d65w9x17k

Part 2:
https://www.instagram.com/tv/CBf9YF3hV4g/?igshid=137bof3ebzv3p
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