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"Oh yeah, I fucked her."
I can not tell you how many times in my life I have heard or said that phrase, hanging out with my friends in or out of the clubs. That was often the full extend we share for a relationship.
Some of the thirsty dudes would ask a bizarre permission
I can not tell you how many times in my life I have heard or said that phrase, hanging out with my friends in or out of the clubs. That was often the full extend we share for a relationship.
Some of the thirsty dudes would ask a bizarre permission
to try and fuck her too. It was met with, "I don't care." or "Nope, I am trying to wrap that up."
You know the kinds of rules we have to the games we play in our youth, filled with passion, sex, and shine. Or so I thought. When I said, "Oh yeah, I fucked that girl."
You know the kinds of rules we have to the games we play in our youth, filled with passion, sex, and shine. Or so I thought. When I said, "Oh yeah, I fucked that girl."
It meant that we might had some drinks, swapped some spit, grabbed handfuls of each other, curled up on a bed, couch, back seat, or park bench or something and consented to be coital. I did not always get consent, which meant I didn't always get to fuck her.
I have pressured the shit out of women for sex. I now understand that to be very wrong. But even that only worked some of the time, meaning I had to take my shit and go home. Maybe try again some other time, maybe not.
Yesterday, I asked why
Yesterday, I asked why
Black women were saying they felt deserted by Black men. I didn't want to get dragged, but this is Twitter, so. @_xxGiaaa and @21sadbitch both hemmed me up. I still do not agree with all the said in the discussion, but I am a little more enlightened because of it
You see, while we was all saying some form of "Yeah, I fucked that girl." No one was saying "Yeah, I took her home, overpowered her the back seat of my car, ripped her clothes off and forced her into having intercourse with me."
No one said "Oh yeah, I raped her."
No one said "Oh yeah, I raped her."
It is easy for women to imagine men in the company of men, offer detailed escapades of sexual conquest. I didn't run with dudes like that. "Oh yeah, I fucked her." was all I needed to know, not that I always wanted to know it.
In the last few years, looking at sexual violence, generally the kind men inflict on women, we've come to understand and accept why women do not tell. Rapists do not tell either. In a small bit of irony, after my conversations, I just happened upon a documentary
entitled On the Record, its on HBOMax. It is about the Black women who accuse Russell Simmons and LA Reid of sexual assault. And suddenly the fog lifted. Just because it is a casually mentioned, does not mean it was a casual event.
I could easily hear Russell Simmons, LA Reid, Bill Cosby, Tavis Smiley and others say, "Oh yeah, I fucked her."
How many of my friends back then said the same thing and meant it in the same way they did. I have no idea. The idea that it could be them, terrifies me.
How many of my friends back then said the same thing and meant it in the same way they did. I have no idea. The idea that it could be them, terrifies me.
But what terrifies me more, is that I don't know any Black woman who has not been sexually assaulted. I know my mother was, and my daughter was, only because they told me. Sexual assault in the Black community is endemic. I have long held in my juggle
That Black women are more likely to be victims of sexual assault more that most other populations (Native American women have it as bad if not worse). What I did not hold in my juggle that I do now, is that too many Black men, myself included, have committed sexual assault.
I think we can change this truth, by teaching our sons how to take a 'no'. And not to negotiate with violence when it comes to interpersonal relationships.
