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Progressives talk about overcoming shame in your sex life but rarely talk about shame attached to celibacy. The narrative suggests that overcoming shame inevitably leads to an active and vibrant sex life. But what if it doesn’t? What if you *still* want to be celibate?
The shame attached to celibacy is palpable every time I tell somebody that I’m celibate, and they respond with, “That’s fine, as long as...” - “I’m okay with that, but...” - “You do you, just don’t...”
It’s clear they see my celibacy as a threat needing disclaimers and explanations. I can’t just be celibate. I need a long list of stipulations attached to my sex life in order to justify it.
I could even have a relationship with someone in which I repeatedly & consistently affirm their sex life as equal in value, dignity, and worth to anyone else’s, and yet *still* when I tell them I’m celibate, it’s an automatic threat unless I attach a thousand disclaimers.
Yes, celibacy has been and *is* often weaponized against LGBTQ people. This is wrong & toxic & unhealthy & all kinds of terrible & leads to depression, anxiety, & suicidal ideation.
I’m against any form of Christianity that attaches celibacy as a requirement for gays to be Christian, as well as any form of Christianity that attaches celibacy as a requirement to be a “good Christian.”
No one does that sort of thing for straight people using contraception or getting remarried, even though both are significant departures from “traditional” ethics. This is a double standard that is wrong and unhealthy and heterosexist, plain and simple.
I’m also against the tokenizing of celibate gays for the purpose of getting other gays to fall in line. In my story I explicitly invite people to appreciate the multitude of ways that LGBTQ people follow Jesus out of commitment to *him* and not codes of purity.
But celibacy is *still* a valid choice when LGBTQ people make it apart from shame and fear. I get why it’s so hard for so many LGBTQ ppl to imagine this as a possibility. But it is, and it too needs to be celebrated.
I do see celibacy as an outworking of my faith, but I also affirm that other people’s faith journeys look different and that this is okay because the intersection of faith and sexuality is complicated. We all need space to figure these questions out apart from shame.
But celibacy can *still* be a valid expression of faith. If escaping toxic narratives means experiencing the freedom to make your own sexual choices apart from shame, that means some ppl will *still* choose celibacy as an expression of faith. And that’s okay.
It’s frustrating to have the narrative of shame and self-hatred thrown back onto my story every time I come out as being celibate. I’m obviously not self-hating. I’m obviously happy w/ my life. How is it fair to throw all of that under the bus just bcuz I say that I’m celibate?
