This is a shipping and delivery map of the UK and Ireland, with price structure. I have lots of questions, but mostly about Aberdeen and who they bribed. And yes I am very excited about my new mower.

I imagine someone in Aberdeen said something like 'look, just stick the Isle of Wight in the blue zone and then you'll have space in the green zone for us and we can order loads of 249kg mowers with free delivery'

obviously this is all tongue-in-cheek but I do admit that the phrase 'mainland UK' causes more than a touch of existential discombobulation

(here, have some more maps)

I'm going to do something else soon, but what is this one?

it takes 'UK mainland' to new heights

and of course there's always this one

okay, about this 'mainland UK' delivery thing - for example, on this version it's Inverness: YES, Aviemore: NO

this is truly inspired

I feel like this one is rubbing it in bit though, what with the giant FREE DELIVERY lettering

this is a fine example of the where the 'UK mainland' boundary is truly, truly baffling

but not as good as this one, for furniture deliveries - there are two kinds of 'UK mainland' and all kinds of issues with the other stuff (like Orkney's continental drift, and let's not mention 'Southern Ireland')

let's end this with a delightful map of Cornwall - for a mobile DJ I think

variations on this search provide no end of light entertainment and confusion

https://www.google.com/search?q=delivery+charges+map+uk&tbm=isch&ved=2ahUKEwi14Iq7_IHqAhUCahoKHWxKAKYQ2-cCegQIABAA&oq=delivery+charges+map+uk&gs_lcp=CgNpbWcQAzoECCMQJzoCCAA6BQgAELEDOgQIABBDOgcIABCxAxBDOgYIABAIEB46BAgAEBhQ3FJY5WZgkmhoAHAAeACAAVKIAboLkgECMjOYAQCgAQGqAQtnd3Mtd2l6LWltZw&sclient=img&ei=XnHmXrW5KILUaeyUgbAK&bih=714&biw=1536&rlz=1CANZAS_enGB751GB754#imgrc=Y5ugfxhxD8PVVM

hold on a minute, sofa guys. You're going to 'N/A' the entire Highlands but not Aviemore

what I can't figure out is the why and who and how in relation to the idea that if there is such a thing as a 'UK mainland' the Highlands - and sometimes more - aren't part of it: the internet is full of examples

https://www.google.com/search?q=delivery+%22uk+mainland%22&tbm=isch&ved=2ahUKEwjq7pmdj4LqAhXI1uAKHdJ0CBsQ2-cCegQIABAA&oq=delivery+%22uk+mainland%22&gs_lcp=CgNpbWcQAzIECAAQHjIGCAAQCBAeOgQIABAYOgQIABBDOgIIADoFCAAQsQM6BwgAELEDEEM6BggAEAUQHlDGrgJYq9sCYMHdAmgBcAB4AoABZYgBgBeSAQQ0MC4xmAEAoAEBqgELZ3dzLXdpei1pbWewAQA&sclient=img&ei=DIXmXuq4EMitgwfS6aHYAQ&bih=803&biw=1707&rlz=1C1FGUR_enGB767GB767

but I should probably go and watch telly now

there's nothing good on telly but this parcel firm's map might be a winner in the 'UK mainland' category: Shetland is UK mainland

(unless of course you are from Northern Ireland)

now we're talking (this is for delivery of shed guttering) - I'm glad they recognise the absolute centrality of Inverness, and are also willing to deliver to Lough Neagh

I can't really figure out this price structure though - but interesting that Northern Ireland cheaper than the Highlands

I'm not a finance expert but these fees do seem a touch on the expensive side (for the delivery of tree products) - this one really is a wild ride

I like the simple but blunt 'No Delivery' for Wick and Thurso folk in particular on this one (for a door company)

what on earth is this? It's Pizza Hut UK's 'North Region' map, as it happens (not for delivery, sadly)

http://www.pizzahutproperty.co.uk/target-locations/#Results

there has been an escalation, an incursion

these kitchen fitters understand how both time and space work - free delivery everywhere but further away places may take a bit longer (I would work with these people!)

FREE delivery everywhere with this IT company - this one's good, apart from their use of the very weird 'Mainland' / 'Highlands' thing

this is a fine example of how time and space work when things are being delivered within the UK

I won't be getting my pillows and mattresses from these folk if I ever move back up north!

(now I'm off to begin a ten year research project on the origins and cultural meanings of the term 'UK mainland')

I'm going to try really hard to leave it here and get to work now, but look at this one:

Crianlarich? Free delivery
Inverness? £325
Portsmouth? Free delivery
Isle of Wight? £425 (gets its own zone!)
Cardiff? Free delivery
Swansea? £175

i DECIDED TO mAKE My OWn verSION

my new mower arrived so I'm off to cut the grass in a small chunk of Mainland UK.