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20 Marriage Meeting Tips (thread
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#1 Take a small gift as it is a really sweet gesture that they'd remember, even if it's crisps/chocolates (first impressions really stick).
#2 If you're as awkward as me, let your mahram do the ice breaking (asking how was the journey/traffic etc). Then slowly ease into the conversation. The brother will most probably introduce himself first anyway!
#3 Don't be rigid and stick to questions - it's not a job interview! You want to know whether you can click with this person. Have a set of must-ask questions but have them generally as topics.
#4 Get your mahram involved in the conversation rather than just having him sitting there awkwardly. A small 'I'm sure my brother would agree with me saying xyz' makes the world of a difference!
#5 Yes you need to know if you're physically attracted to the person, but remain modest about it (don't ogle!). Certainly don't comment on their looks/appearance.
#6 This entire meeting is to find out whether you can spend a lifetime with this person so don't just take what they say at face value. Be observant with how they speak, small things such as do they interrupt often or allow you to finish?
#7 Important things like hygiene can be spotted by how well they're groomed. A big indicator is the hands! Are their nails clean and cut? Don't just assume they keep tidy based on their cologne.
#8 Have topics rather than keeping them all question based eg: Deen, Family, Finances, Friends, Hobbies, Expectations, Past (NOT sins), Future, Kids, Health etc. People can talk about these for days. Connect what is similar and what you have in common!
#9 Every question you ask them, you should have an answer for yourself too (believe me it's quite embarrassing if you don't!).
#10 Be you. I know this is so hard to implement but you'll see that the right person will make you feel comfortable and vice versa. Crack a joke here and there (if you don't have banter, please let them be funny and you laugh
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#11 You're allowed to not know something. A question they may ask you might not have been prepared for. So you don't need to answer straight away. You're allowed to say you'd like to think about it and get back to them.
#12 Don't wander off in your head. Don't zone out. Don't look around as if you're bored. It's very disrespectful. Show interest while they speak by nodding, occasionally making eye contact and smiling! They're just as nervous as you, I promise.
#13 Don't think a meeting will last 40mins-1hr because more likely tha not, it will run over time (maybe even 3-4 hours if you both can talk!)
#14 Try not to have monologues. It flows better when you take turns with talking - I'll emphaise that it should be a two-way conversation and not an interview.
#15 At the end of the meeting, give a summary of who you are and what you think is important to mention (keep it short and sweet so they remember it).
#16 If you're a sister who wears niqab, it's probably best for you to start the meeting with your niqab already off (in a private setting with your mahram) as it saves the awkwardness of taking it off!
#17 Remember to begin and end the meeting with salam!
#18 Be as natural as possible - don't portray yourself to be a Miss Universe. I know a lot of sisters can be insecure about things like acne... but believe me the right brother will notice things about your character, not your spots.
#19 Be honest about yourself. For example if you don't like to do much chores or you love to go out a lot with friends, admit it. This will save you a lot of trouble and arguments if you were to be married.
#20 Lastly, and of course most importantly, seek the help of Allah ﷻ. Istikhara is key. Every step of the way. Before the meeting and after the meeting. I think it gives ease to make duā internally even during the meeting!
Bonus: if you want to hear his recitation, have the meeting with a Salah in between (preferably Maghrib as it's led aloud). You can thank me later! X
