Read on Twitter
Would anyone like a primer on how to buy shit and have it not end up in a federal indictment someday?
So let's say a crime of some sort happens. Forensic teams gather evidence, and then investigators get to work. The physical evidence can be used to trace you in more ways than you think.
But let's leave that aside. Instead, let's look at patterns of how investigators use evidence to identify perpetrators buying things at stores, and to do this we'll jump into a few cases.
In 2017, Michael Christopher Estes was arrested for setting a bomb at Asheville airport.
Investigators found a bag belonging to him nearby in the woods.
Investigators found a bag belonging to him nearby in the woods.
So what did they do with this? Did they fingerprint? Run DNA? Some fancy spectral analysis?
No, they went to Walmart.
No, they went to Walmart.
It turns out, he purchased many of the items together, and he was carrying a similar or the same bag while doing it. Security footage tagged his likeness, no facial recognition needed.
Lesson #1: Don't buy things together. Only ever buy one thing at a time.
So, you're a Fed chasin' a crimin' white dude, and you've already been to walmart. Where do you go next?
Obviously, Lowes and then a sporting goods store. Obviously.
Obviously, Lowes and then a sporting goods store. Obviously.
Lesson #2: Stereotype yourself and avoid the usual patterns. Moreover, never buy anything in your local neighborhood.
So the Feds go to REI and find no video surveillance. No dice, right? How can you crank up your facial recognition with no face?
Well.
Michael Christopher Estes bought his crime goods with a membership card.
I strongly recommend against that.
Well.
Michael Christopher Estes bought his crime goods with a membership card.
I strongly recommend against that.
Lesson #3: Don't partake in voluntary surveillance, even if you do earn 1 point for every dollar you spend.
Next, let's look at the case of Holden Matthews. Matthews pleaded guilty to burning some Black churches in Louisiana.
Feds caught him because of his things.
Mostly, the gas can he used to start the fires didn't get destroyed.
Feds caught him because of his things.
Mostly, the gas can he used to start the fires didn't get destroyed.
So you find a gas can in a burned church. It's got a brand clearly visible, and guess what—it's not too hard to track a brand like that these days. So what do the feds do?
Protip: if you were paying attention up-thread, you'll know.
Protip: if you were paying attention up-thread, you'll know.
You guessed it! They just headed on over to Wal Mart, found the same brand of gas can, and looked for people buying one in the previous days.
Lesson #4: seriously, just don't go to walmart.
Now, Walmart doesn't have any membership cards last I checked. Might be flat outta luck.
Alas, boy wonder did the feds a solid.
He bought his gas can and lighter with a debit card
Alas, boy wonder did the feds a solid.
He bought his gas can and lighter with a debit card
Lesson #5: Use cash or bitcoin. But if you don't want to be a nerd just use cash like a normal person.
So what did we learn?
The feds can figure out a lot just by looking around local stores and seeing who's buying what and where.
They're gonna look in the local area, they're gonna look for a specific point in time, and they're gonna look for stereotype patterns.
The feds can figure out a lot just by looking around local stores and seeing who's buying what and where.
They're gonna look in the local area, they're gonna look for a specific point in time, and they're gonna look for stereotype patterns.
Then, they're gonna rely on you to do something foolish that leaves a trail of evidence.
That means that burner phone you bought yesterday?
May as well use it as an actual burner.
May as well use it as an actual burner.
