Just recently I've been struggling with how best to support friends suffering from depression and isolation in the current climate, when face-to-face meetings aren't an option and when anxiety and paranoia may be overwhelming for them.

Here's a thread of what I've come up with:

1/ Rather than starting conversations with questions and concern, check-in with light day-to-day stuff. People who are anxious and depressed are often already making themselves guilty with a story that they're worrying people, so hearing that life is happening can be reassuring.

2/ Don't ask questions that require lots of internal enquiry - 'so how are you feeling lately?' 'do you know what started this?' 'are you worse?'

Be mindful of your need to 'fix' their mental state by working out what caused it. Instead, try being with them with just what is.

3/ Think of ways you can be together companionably, without a pressure to talk about their mental health.

I like conversations around a specific topic: an episode of TV, a film or a book, or syncing-up watching a movie/TV together and then texting over WhatsApp/Skype.

4/ Make a practice of checking in with light stuff regularly (txt/voice msg) with no agenda, or request/need for an answer.

Notice your own need to get an answer to your message, and how you create anxiety about that.

Work on that *without* involving your friend.

5/ Resist looping others in or discussing your friend as 'a problem', unless you can count on them to be very subtle in their response.

Suggesting a lightweight group event (see 3) might be a low pressure way to involve 1 or 2 others, but be aware of overwhelming your friend.

6/ Resist sending helpful links to articles/videos or book recs.

Do the reading yourself, watch the videos, talk to people who've been through similar. Work on your own understanding of what's going on for your friend.

Do you best to listen without searching for a solution.

7/ Practice empathy, rather than sympathy:

8/ Notice your own need for your friend to 'be better', to go back to how they were before. Often depression has a root-story that we are unlovable/unacceptable unless we are 'ok' - happy - 'normal'.

Show your friend you can be with them, however they are.

9/ If depression has become very severe in the past, suggest a very simple way of checking in with them regularly. Decide how they acknowledge ('Hi' or an emoji). Decide what will happen if they don't.

If you can, agree to this before they are at immediate risk to themselves.

10/ Lastly: model how to take care of yourself.

Be wary of making yourself your friend's sole support or their saviour. If you notice yourself losing sleep, distracted with stories of what might happen, find a suitable ally (see 5) and support yourself.

So that's my thread. I hope it's helpful, and if you have questions about anything I've said my DMs are open. I may not reply straight away, but I will reply! - TA x