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My daughter has desisted! We are over the moon.
She is so happy. Reconnecting with childhood friends, remembering happy childhood memories, and madly in love with her new boyfriend.
She is so happy. Reconnecting with childhood friends, remembering happy childhood memories, and madly in love with her new boyfriend.
She is so confident, mentally and physically. She hasn’t gone back to exactly how she was before. She is even stronger.
She has reconnected with her body and getting (very) fit and happy to cycle (first time in 5 years) and exercise. I believe connecting with your physical self is a help - a few trans boys I know who desisted got fit/healthy first.
She asked me what I thought it had all been about. I said being a trans boy is a “safe” way to get through tricky teen years. To hide from the male gaze. To be seen as human first. To be accepted for your personality, rather than superficial judgements. (Sad but true?)
She had a few problems during her trans years with crushes on guys who couldn’t reciprocate (“because he isn’t gay”). And then kissed a very nice gay boy who later said he wasn’t ready for a relationship... suspect he just couldn’t be with a girl?
Being a trans boy left few options for romance. Again, a safe place for a female teen (in a “freedom from” way, rather than “freedom to”). Straight guys not interested. Or gay guys. Or straight girls. Some lesbians were. Trans guys the only “dead cert”.
Another problem is clashing worlds and the risk of exposing your true identity. If friends from former school meet friends from new school, they’ll use wrong name and pronouns and the facade will crumble. Very stressful. So, you start to avoid events and spaces. Life gets small.
Going to uni was going to be a pressure point. Mixing these “worlds”. She would have to “come out” as a trans boy. That pressure was looming.
She was good friends with a boy from school. They spent a lot of time together. Then fancied each other. Tricky. Finally they admitted their love. But couldn’t show it at school because he isn’t “gay”.
Lockdown provided an escape. She never has to go back to her school, where she was known by male name and pronouns... Until their delayed graduation party. She will have to “come out” as female.
And now she can go off to uni (hopefully!) as a strong and happy person, who just happens to be a young woman. 
One more note: I have thrown away two horrid binders!! She is now wearing her first ‘proper’ bras. Before it was only bralettes or sports bras before the dreaded binder arrived. It seems she didn’t cause permanent damage to her breasts. Binders are just awful. No sport, no PE.
Binders are just awful. No sport, no PE.
