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The truth is, I never was an anti-shipper. From day 1 when their rhetoric popped up I remember looking at it and it never made any god damn sense to me. It sounded insane. But people around me were picking it up and were VIOLENTLY aggressive towards anyone who didn’t side with
Them. At the time I was so scared I just kept my head down and mouth shut. As time went on I tried really hard to adopt their viewpoints. I tried to FORCE myself to. I never had the intent to “lie” or “betray” anyone because I did genuinely try with my whole self and heart to
Be an anti. I WANTED to be a good person so bad. I want to value the safety and well-being of real people. I WANT to help protect real kids and vulnerable individuals. And this was how you did it, right? That’s what they said over and over. So even if the logic made no sense, I’d
Parrot it because I wanted to do these good things. I wanted to be a good person so bad. On top of that, of course I didn’t condone real life abuse. As a trauma survivor, how could I? I tried. I tried and tried and tried so hard. I tried. I wanted to be good more than anything.
But the logic, none of it added up. None of it made sense. I could see the holes in their arguments, I could see the way they’d use emotion to control and manipulate. When I’d watch my friends call out artists and drag them I’d feel sick to my stomach. It felt wrong. I didn’t
Understand why they couldn’t just leave these people alone if their only crime was drawing art? But on top of that, my fear of being next... but then in their spaces I’d watch them all call each other out, and fight amongst each other. I’d even watch them suspect me for SFW art.
I became so depressed. I felt like I was hindered as an artist. I felt like my passion, story and character analysis, was now a tool that was only allowed to be used to decide what people are Right and Wrong and not so i could explore complex situations in a safe, controlled
Environment. I felt scared to tell my own stories if they didn’t represent the right groups. I’d watch people in anti circles create abusive content but then justify it or ignore it when it was convenient for them. None of it added up. When psychology papers said that things like
Non-con kinks, something I had, were normal. When I, as a rape victim could never fathom ever thinking rape is ok because I was the living breathing proof of how much it could damage a person, but seeing them say you’re just as bad as your abuser if you explore it in fiction...
It was damaging. They damaged my sexuality so bad. They made me scared to be myself. They made me scared to create art. They made me overthink everything until I was paranoid and suspecting everyone was a secret freak. They made me focus on what everyone else is doing wrong in
Fandom instead of allowing me ot focus on what I love because what if the things I wanted to explore weren’t approved by my group? I was not allowed to make my own decisions about what I could like! They decided that for me, even though they got to justify their own ships.
They gave me trauma. Everything about those spaces traumatized me to be in them. I never wanted to be in them. I just wanted to do the right thing. So why did I feel like I wasn’t? With every callout I saw, or was dragged into, with the constant obsession over others being wrong
With me watching real people be traumatized and hurt by their actions while I watched the artists they attacked never hurting anyone. I felt sick. It made me ill.
I finally couldn’t take it anymore. I had to leave. In a lot of ways, I’m glad I didn’t leave sooner. Because when
I finally couldn’t take it anymore. I had to leave. In a lot of ways, I’m glad I didn’t leave sooner. Because when
I finally did leave, I was wrung through such horrible abuse that went on for months and months from my so-called friends that it gave me PTSD. The scapegoating, the stalking, the harassment, the mocking of my trauma, talking down to me like a religious cult chastizing someone
Because you found out they were gay, the attempts to isolate me, the people who claiming to care about protecting victims looking the other way and allowing their group to violate my privacy and boundaries and abuse the everloving fuck out of me because I deserved it for drawing
The wrong art, for liking the wrong ships. I deserved it in their eyes so no one in that group would come to save me or stand up for me. Not even to say “I don’t agree with their art but at least don’t abuse/harass them.” No one did, instead they allowed it to go on and even
Allowed rumors to spread about me from -my- abusers. It was a horrible thing to go through. It was traumatizing. I tried to slip out quietly, just sneak out, but they don’t let you leave. You are now part of their betrayal narrative, their victim narrative. They’ll hunt you down
Like vultures and try to ruin every aspect of your life. You’re not a human being to them, there is no compassion, but they’ll reverse it all and accuse you of doing everything to them that they are doing to you.
If I had tried to leave their circles a few years ago, I would have attempted suicide. No doubt. I barely made it out of the hell I was put through today, and I only finally left now because I finally realized enough is enough and I felt strong enough to be able to endure it.
When I realized I had a problematic ship about a year back after trying to cleanse myself of them, I broke down sobbing. I just sat alone in my room and cried and cried because I realized what this meant. I had fucked up. I was going to lose all my friends. I was going to get
Harassed like all those other artists. I could just like the ship in private but then I felt dirty and gross and if they found out i’d be accused of lying to them. There was nothing I could do but just, let them find out and let them exile me and get it over with. Let them spit
All over me and dehumanize me because it was all I could do left. Of course I’d never hurt a real person, of course I don’t want to hurt people. My art, my need to make sense of the world and it’s ugly parts in fiction were so integral and necessary to how i made sense of the
World, I just did not have a choice. This had to happen. I wanted to be good for them so bad. I wasn’t good enough.
But I don’t care anymore. I’m my own person. I can make my own decisions. I can decide right from wrong for myself. I don’t buy into their rhetoric anymore.
But I don’t care anymore. I’m my own person. I can make my own decisions. I can decide right from wrong for myself. I don’t buy into their rhetoric anymore.
I know they aren’t talking about actual child abusers when they say pedophile. Of course any normal person is against pedophilia, they fabricate the narrative that there’s a pedophile problem to make you suspicious and hostile towards anyone outside their group. They are a cult.
As someone who was in anti circles I can tellyou they are a cult they are a cult they are a cult and they will traumatize you if you are one of the followers. Get out while you can. Find support. There are better people out there. You don’t have to live your life letting others
Tell you what decisions you’re allowed to make. You’re allowed to think for yourself! You’re allowed to look at opinions and stances outside your own. The pro-ship community taught me so much and I’m so grateful for these people who despite having come from such a violent group
Were compassionate. I don’t feel like i’m part of a group controlling me anymore either. I feel free to make my own decisions, I feel free to curate my own content. No one is telling me what I have to like and what I can’t like. Communities and cults are different things.
I’m not really sure where i’m going with this. I just needed to talk about it. I’m glad I was able to hold myself together well enough enough to survive the harassment I went through. I’m glad I waited until I was emotionally more stable before I finally left. I’m glad I grew as
A person and finally felt confident in my own opinions and self to know even if the people around me thought it was wrong to be “problematic” with fiction, me seeing through the BS wasn’t an accident. I finally stoppped letting them control me with emotion and trusted my own
Judgement.
Everything sucked. I’m traumatized. It’ll take a while to heal. But i’m glad I left. Anti rhetoric is purposely manipulative. They’ll only talk about things as if it’s real life abuse and pedophilia and incest but their langauge masks the complexities and realities
Everything sucked. I’m traumatized. It’ll take a while to heal. But i’m glad I left. Anti rhetoric is purposely manipulative. They’ll only talk about things as if it’s real life abuse and pedophilia and incest but their langauge masks the complexities and realities
Of whats really going on. Remember that. They manipulate through appealing to emotion and outrage. If you’re in those circles and questioning any of their stances please take some time to look at what people in the pro-ship community outside anti perspectives have to say.
The truth is, they are just parroting radfem and conservative rhetoric. It’s so painfully obvious to me now.
How could I have not seen it sooner? No, I did see it. I just denied what I saw because I wanted to be a good person and seeing the truth was framed as being a bad person.
I want to add one last thing to this thread, if you think i'm over-exaggerating to compare them to a cult, read this thread:
https://twitter.com/skyshaymins/status/1259282690743779330
and this is only a few examples
https://twitter.com/skyshaymins/status/1259282690743779330
and this is only a few examples
And here's a thread on my experience with grooming through art, another point anti-shippers love to make: https://twitter.com/skyshaymins/status/1259553928854695937
Here’s a thread on the details of how I left anti-ship circles and what conclusions I came to for that to be possible. Hope this helps anyone still reading who may be in a similar situation.
https://twitter.com/skyshaymins/status/1259680827425779712?s=21 https://twitter.com/skyshaymins/status/1259680827425779712
https://twitter.com/skyshaymins/status/1259680827425779712?s=21 https://twitter.com/skyshaymins/status/1259680827425779712
