THREAD: Our Closed Loop of Isolating Masculinity is Killing Us --"It turns out what millions of men want most will also save our lives." --Photo by William Murphy /1

As boys, we are bullied from birth to suppress emotional expression which cuts us off from learning how to create authentic relationships. The result is millions of men live deeply isolated lives. /2

The way we are bullied and policed to suppress our need for connection is through the denigration of the feminine. “What are you a sissy? What are you, a girl?” It’s a lifetime of anti-female brainwashing beginning when we are too young to even know what is happening. /3

This closed loop of bullying and policing of expression is why millions of men don’t know how to form healthy personal and professional relationships. We never got the chance to do the decades of trial and error work needed to learn nuanced expression and connection. /4

Powerful relational capacities like empathy, emotional self regulation, connection across difference, care giving and more, are wrongly gendered as feminine, and in man box culture, feminine is “less.” Display these characteristics and face brutal policing until you cease. /5

The result is, boys and men hide our authentic selves, relying on interchangeable surface level friendships of proximity. If we change jobs, or change our gym, we change all our friends, because they’re all the same, right? /6

Cigna’s 2018 study on our American epidemic of loneliness points to the resulting catastrophic public health issue that is hidden in plain sight. Men, and often the women in our lives, live deeply unhealthy lifetimes of loneliness. /7

After decades living in man box culture, I did my work "on the carpet" of a Mankind Project weekend. My moment of truth was pretty straightforward. “I don’t trust men. I don’t like men. I hate men. And I’m sick to death of being alone.” Lovely, eh? But true for so many of us. /8

We are bullied and beaten into conforming to a thin, brittle version of manhood. We police “the feminine” in other men, attack any who show authentic emotion, or seek real connection. We’re pressured to treat women as less. It’s a closed loop of violence and isolation. /9

The war on women is real. Put in place and maintained by generations of man box culture that wrongly genders human capacities for connection as feminine and uses violence to police connection as less. We are taught to control and dominate, each other, women, difference. /10

Domination based man box masculinity, the “I got mine, now you get yours” macho, hyper individualizing view of manhood underpins predatory capitalism, environmental destruction, white nationalism, class and race violence. Man box culture is killing us, men, women, children. /11

When people talk about “toxic masculinity” this is what they are talking about: the man box culture version of being a man. It’s a gender binary driven, domination based, violent and painfully lonely experience that is killing us all. /12

But guess what. Man box culture isn't what millions of men want. We want to come in from the cold and find community, connection. The 10% of men who are bullies and alphas don’t want us to do this work, but we can break out of the man box and find the connection we need. /13

When we are finally sick to death of living empty half lives under the boot heel of an archaic and destructive culture of masculinity, we can break out, create connection. The rewards of doing so are life changing. I love my community of brothers and sisters. I love my life. /14

I rely on organizations like @mankindproject or @HUMENorg to put me in the room with men who are ready for authentic connection. As a result, I have a diverse community men who I can be real with. I rely on them. They rely on me. /15

If you are a man who is ready to find authentic lasting connection and friendship in your life, if you are ready to discover your purpose and meaning, consider reaching out to @mankindproject @HUMENorg, or @_evryman or any other men’s group that fits for you. /16

We can leave man box culture behind whenever we are ready. As men, we just have to make the choice to move toward connection and community. We can make the choice to come in out of the cold, to create truly satisfying personal and professional relationships. /17

When we choose to break out of our dominant masculine culture’s closed loop of isolation, we bend the collective arc of the world toward good. The world is depending on us to put an end to man box culture. And we must do it soon, because time is running out. /18

Mark Greene‘s Book The Little #MeToo Book for Men reveals the destructive influence of man box culture in men’s personal and professional lives. It has been called “…nothing short of a blueprint for men’s liberation.” /19

“When millions of men live our lives subject to the rules of a culture we are not fully conscious of, it can be damaging for our families, our communities, our collective quality of life, and even our longevity." - First, see the culture. Then change the culture. /20

The Little #MeToo Book for Men is available at Barnes & Noble online:
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-little-metoo-book-for-men-mark-greene/1130130750?ean=9780983466963
And at Amazon:
https://www.amazon.com/Little-MeToo-Book-Men-ebook/dp/B07KC383HX
/21

This thread is available in article form on Medium. https://medium.com/@remakingmanhood/our-closed-loop-of-isolating-masculinity-is-killing-us-3efbd24f3211 /22

Summary: I do not condemn masculinity. It is beautiful. I condemn our dominant MAN BOX CULTURE, which bullies us to contort ourselves to fit a narrow, abusive version of masculinity, when we could instead find what fits for us on the vast human spectrum of musculinities. /23

Boys and men, along with everyone else on the gender spectrum, deserve to live fully authentic, fully connected lives. /24