Inspired by the thread from @fairycakes - here are my hmv stories from the 6 years I worked there across 2 stores. A busy, large store in a capital city and a much smaller regional store.

There were 2 blokes that would come in & buy all the yellow case shameless dvds & world cinema erotica. No judgement. Except they would wait outside after closing time to look in and wave at me. I saw them in Tesco once & have never moved so fast without running before or since.

There was of course the time that a teenage boy brought back a Marilyn Manson CD 3 separate times because every single one of them played a Morrissey album instead of Manson and he was really quite fed up with this. I wonder if he ever managed to buy that Manson album...

“Dad Boot” would come in all the time and ask for Das Boot and when we showed him Das Boot he would claim that wasn’t the right Das Boot. His criteria matched no Das Boot that has ever existed so I hope one day someone makes it that way so he can buy it.

There was the extremely polite and well spoken older gentleman who reminded me of the men in black and white British films from the 40s. He would bring in loads of printed Wikipedia articles of subjects he wanted to share with me.

Tim Vine came into my store once and bought a Tim Vine dvd. I pretended not to realise that he was Tim Vine buying a Tim Vine dvd.

There was a guy that uses to come in that was probably innocent and lovely but gave off the worst serial killer vibes. He looked furious all the time, would come in and make sure to catch eyes with me at least once, and then walk out again. Hardly ever buying anything.

I found a Christmas temp asleep in one of the storage rooms once. He had flat packed a whole bunch of cardboard boxes and created a cosy little nest out of them. “Brilliant idea” I thought in amazement, “good on him” and I left him to it.

There was “turbo” affectionately named because he spoke so fast. He came in every weekend to talk to me and my best mate about Disney films and animated children’s films in general. He was absolutely lovely. I wish him only the best. Hope he’s coping OK.

How can I forget the one time I absentmindedly opened a compartment on the top of the till and found hidden a little figurine inside a little coffin and an extremely creepy and inexplicably hilarious handwritten note from a bloke in the cash office to one of the sales assistants.

There’s the man we named “Hands Down Pants Man” and I’m sure you can guess why...he used to make a beeline for me and sometimes would come up behind me and put his hands on my shoulders.

Let’s also talk about the time someone asked me for Batman, I showed him the superhero section and he looked at me blankly and said: “NO. I want BATMAN” and rolled up his sleeve to show a hospital tag. I really hope he’s doing OK.

and there’s always Dad Man who would bring his phone with him to consult with “dad” as to which low budget awful horror films to buy. He put me on the phone once and all I heard was a loud, booming voice screaming “WOLFGANG! WOLFGANG!”. I promptly gave the phone back.

There was another Christmas temp that got fired because he was found out for somehow finding a way to pocket gift cards with money on them and he tried to use them in another store whilst asking for a “staff discount”. He was a major creep as well, tbh. I DONT hope he’s doing ok.

There was the incredibly rude old man who used to boast about his holidays and once told me to read a book on logic when I was shifting storage boxes around. I stared at him blankly and told him I was too busy reading the books for my masters degree.

There was the gentleman, who constantly told me that he was Jackie Chan, who was going to write a Doctor Who musical exclusively using the songs of Jason Donovan. He used to ask for me but moved on to one of my colleagues. He walked up to her once and mumbled “call me uncle”.

There were the countless perverts, cheeky chappies, people that came in for years and never spoke a word to me or looked me in the eyes. The semi-regular customers who were quite nice really. Oh and the pièce de résistance of customers...save the best till last...

I’ll never forget the very obviously 90+ year old man, in full cowboy getup, asking me to run away with him to the circus. He also wanted my phone number & when I asked if he needed a bag, replied with a wink: “no thanks I’ve already married 3” cackled and then strutted away.

So there you have it...I doubt anyone will read this but I’ll update this if I remember any other stories and I’m almost certain that I will. I’m going to hit up all my former colleagues for their stories as well. What a wild place though...