A lot of women were triggered by my tweet yesterday advising men on how to handle it when their woman wants more vulnerability, but each time they give it, it doesn't work out well for them.

Ladies, a few things...

This hurts you (or you believe it doesn't apply to you) for the following reasons:

1) You think you want full vulnerability from a man
2) You think that having it would make you feel closer to him
...

3) You think you are fully aware of how your own systems (of both attraction and connection to men) work.

None of these are true and I will prove it. THREAD

You communicate to connect. We communicate to achieve an objective. Therefore when we are communicating, we’re starting with different objectives. When men share how we feel with another man, we are doing so to enroll them in the effort to alter the root cause of the feeling.

For men, this is a bonding process that women will never understand. In fact, when we do this (teach each other how we solve problems that are the same or similar) women are actually unable to see the bonding dynamic happening between the men.

That’s why when men (uselessly) do it to women, they call it “mansplaining”. They actually can’t see the connection happening. They see only condescension (so off-base, and sad).

How THEY connect, is by sharing and discussing the FEELINGS that are the RESULT of the root cause. But there is no interest in the root cause itself or changing it, as they do NOT operate with the core biologically-ingrained belief that they are able to manipulate their natural

world and thus their reality. This is a man’s default. So they stay within how it “feels”.

Often in a LTR, a man grows accustomed to a woman’s view of things and can be tempted to dive into the “feelings” world, and let go for a moment their responsibility to change the root

cause of their feelings. For a moment it can seem attractive… rational even. Like self-care, or emotional maintenance… when you think about it could seem downright luxurious. She does it… why can’t I?” So he dives in with her. He digs deep.

He reveals his terrifying fear about not being good enough to provide for the family, about not being able to earn more money, about worrying whether he’s liked enough by his peers at work, his physical insecurities about his body and lack of strength.

He worries about a good enough provider or protector.

Here’s where women get it wrong. They think they are connecting. And in the moment (even weeks or months later) they feel as though they have bonded. But what’s happened is that the man has broken frame.

He has chipped away at the system that makes her feel safe. Her primary focus will ALWAYS be on her own safety (nature selected for this trait in women so we could raise healthy babies). He has degraded his own social proof (ny worrying about his work relationships).

He has degraded her vision of him as a provider (by worrying whether he can earn). He has degraded her vision of him as a protector (by worrying about his physical condition). Eventually, and almost always unwittingly to the woman, she slowly withdraws.

She is less intimate with him (as safety is required for her intimacy). Some respect for him lost. She starts creating obstacles to her intimacy (displays of value) to get her in a place where she can rationalize sex with him.

Then, he does it again, another emotional session of spilling the beans. She plays along and rubs his back and offers encouraging words. He feels even more solid in his relationship (ugh) but she grows more distant. Eventually the sex all but disappears.

He grows needier, feeling like he has to beg for sex; which has has a compounding effect - now he’s lacking social proof, is unsafe, unconfident, needy… i.e. NOT sexy. The sex is now dead. The glue that holds them together is gone.

She starts to engage with her orbiters on social media. She either acts out with them, or wants to. The man is confused, lost, and now there’s talk of separation. He’s terrified for his kids and doesn’t want a broken home. But she can’t be with someone she doesn’t respect.

She WILL leave him, and throw the family in the garbage if she can’t find a way back to respecting him.

Don’t do it gents. Share, connect, understand what she’s asking for. But don’t believe for a second it’s about getting to know YOU. Share with other men, God.

Better yet, get fucking emotionally stronger. Practice stoicism. Don’t get me wrong and act like a fucking emotional cinder-block. Be a human. But know your role here. Your one-shot at unconditional love was your mom. Lucky you if you got it. But it’s not your woman.

She needs you strong. Your kids need you strong. Your emotional strength and ability to handle her emotions is what will keep your family together. It's not something to play with.