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Intimacy over intensity.
Intense feelings aren’t always a good indicator of how good someone is for us. Sometimes they’re triggered by infatuation, lust or even trauma. A better measure is intimacy. Are you friends first? Can you be vulnerable? Do you feel safe? Is there trust?
Intense feelings aren’t always a good indicator of how good someone is for us. Sometimes they’re triggered by infatuation, lust or even trauma. A better measure is intimacy. Are you friends first? Can you be vulnerable? Do you feel safe? Is there trust?
To make it personal, some of my most ‘intense’ feelings in relationships occurred when I was younger and not necessarily at my wisest. Other times they occurred because people played tug of war with my emotions. The rollercoaster fuelled the intensity, which wasn’t healthy.
With age I’ve recognised the value of true intimacy. Feeling comfortable enough to strip everything away. Feeling safe enough to open up about emotions. Feeling cared for enough to trust wholeheartedly.
It’s not about experiencing fireworks 24/7. It’s about healthy togetherness.
It’s not about experiencing fireworks 24/7. It’s about healthy togetherness.
I think sometimes, what we ‘think’ we should feel in relationships, can cloud our judgement. When this happens, people end up chasing ‘feelings’ instead of chasing someone with positive qualities. They value butterflies and passion instead of consistency, commitment, and care.
People can also wrongly associate butterflies and passion with certain negative behaviours (for example: someone controlling or jealous). So when they meet a person who is calm and rational, they tell themselves there’s no ‘passion’ when in reality, they are misguided.
Can healthy intimate relationships be intense?
Sure, in some instances. But in my opinion, they’re usually not emotionally intense in an overwhelming way. If anything, they’re calming, grounding, stable, and we are able to process our emotions with more rationale and ease.
Sure, in some instances. But in my opinion, they’re usually not emotionally intense in an overwhelming way. If anything, they’re calming, grounding, stable, and we are able to process our emotions with more rationale and ease.
