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My horrible gremlin kitten snarfed an entire weed cookie and got v i o l e n t l y high the other day: a thread
Firstly I wanna preface this by saying she's fine, because this cat is an indestructible Dumpster Demon TM with a stomach of steel. Her father was a raccoon and her mother ate and shat nails. She'd fight god for half a stale bagel and win.
Secondly, this is on me because I'm fully aware that both my garbage monsters would eat the entire actual trash can and all of its contents if they could fit it in their mouths, so I should have known better than to leave food unattended.
So anyways I had a cookie in the freezer and put it on top of the fridge to thaw and left it there while I used the restroom, thinking it was safe inside its paper wrapping and three plastic freezer bags. (Spoiler alert: I was very wrong.)
In the 60 seconds it took me to pee and wash my hands, these shitheads tag-teamed their Great Cookie Heist to swipe the cookie off the fridge, chew through all three freezer bags and the paper, and snarf the entire cookie, leaving just the chocolate chips on the rug.
So I walk in on this and see the shredded bags and crumbs and my cats casually licking themselves and just kind of
Instant "They're both stupid enough, which one did it?" panic attack. I Google how to make cats puke. Cue 30 minute montage of me crying while rolling my cats up in towels and force feeding them peroxide in alteration while they struggle. (Spoiler alert: it didn't work.)
These cats were born and raised in dumpsters and are one with the trash. Vomiting cannot be induced. So at this point it's too late to do anything except wait and see who gets high as balls. And unsurprisingly, it was my raccoon shitten, Carmilla.
Stoned and full of regret and weed as she sits in the crumbs of her crimes #CarmillaKitten
The moment the drugs hit and she realized she dun fucked up reeeeal bad this time #CarmillaKitten
Béla Lugosi stayed with her and gave me his signature stink eye while she descended into a stoned stupor, as if it were my fault his sister transformed into a barely sentient breadloaf #CarmillaKitten #hellcats
Eventually she stumbled into the bedroom and cried for me to pick her up and put her on the bed, where she proceeded to sit like this and stare at her paws and tail for a concerning length of time #CarmillaKitten
You know that feeling when you get a little too high and suddenly find yourself crying in a Taco Bell drive-thru at 2:17AM? Milla did that, but instead of a drive-thru it was behind the toilet, and in the bathtub, repeatedly. #CarmillaKitten
There was a while where she lived under the armchair and I only knew she was still alive because she would periodically meow until I held her paw #CarmillaKitten
After like four hours of anxious babysitting, she finally sobered up enough to eat and walk around, and spent the rest of the night sleeping it off on my lap. #CarmillaKitten
There's no moral to the story but in summary, please do your drugs before your cats do because this was horrible and the only way I can deal is to joke about it on the internet. The goblin in fine. Thanks for joining us for Carmilla's Big Drug Adventure 2020. #CarmillaKitten
