Thread by @Ninto55, One year ago today (Jan 26, 2019) I played a game called [...]

One year ago today (Jan 26, 2019) I played a game called Secret Little Haven by @QuestForTori. One year ago today I realized I was trans.

Here is a thread talking about the game and why it helped me figure it out.

Also, if you want to listen to the soundtrack as you read, here's this. I have spent a lot of time listening to the OST. I listened to it for like two weeks straight after playing, and I still frequently go back to it on my phone.

Most trans stuff in media I'd seen before Secret Little Haven was about being trans (and most often the struggles of being trans). But Secret Little Haven is a game specifically about realizing you're trans, which I think makes it especially equipped to help some eggs crack

(Quick FYI for anyone who doesn't know, egg is a term in trans community to refer to a trans person who doesn't know they're trans yet, and cracking is when they realize they're trans)

I had always heard what I've seen described as the standard trans narrative. I've known about trans people for years, but I always heard stuff about gender dysphoria and how they "always knew".

So when I would see something with a trans person in it talking about their experience, I viewed as an outsider. Not something I could be part of.

Instead I just wanted to be a girl and was kind of jealous of trans girls. But that is what makes me trans. This is a concept that is take for granted in trans communities, but needs to be introduced to people somewhere.

I could have just as easily gotten it from twitter if I had stumbled upon the right thread (I followed plenty of trans people, but never got lucky enough to see that), but instead it was this game.

Secret Little Haven is about Alex, a young egg in 1999 who spends her time on her computer, chatting with online friends and talking on a forum about her favorite magical girl show.

I love the general tone and feel of this game. I wasn't using the internet in 1999 (I was 2 years old...), but to me it is still really reminiscent of using the internet in the 00s.

It brings back a lot of memories for me about using the internet back then. Nostalgic.

Not just in the setting and writing, but even the interactions in the game. Like multitasking chats is a uniquely internet thing. The game even encourages this because you have to wait for them to type for replies, so it is really tempting to go read something else while you wait

Or you could multitask by reading the forums while chatting with someone. This is a very specific thing that I spent an absurd amount of time doing many years ago.

Also in this clip I happened to perfectly time that pants thread right when it was relevant to the chat.

And speaking of, reading through the forum and the general internet stuff is just really nice and enjoyable. I always enjoy this kind of simulated internet, but Secret Little Haven's is my favorite.

There are also a bunch of extra apps on the desktop to play with (no specific clips, but enjoy the various cats in the ones I do post) and there is a functional terminal which becomes an important part of the game towards the end. (If you get stuck at that bit, plz message me!)

There are also a bunch of secrets in the game too (and some outside of the game, WINK). A couple of which (like this one) I didn't find on my first playthrough.

friends love HENY!

There's also a lot of cute interactions, like this one where Alex talks to the site admin and kind of freaks out a little.

Alex is consistently adorable in this game. If this is in 1999, I wonder how 2020 Alex is doing?

Then shortly later the site admin mistakes Alex for a (cis) girl, and Alex's reaction is very cute. And relatable. Very relatable. At least, it was for me...

(The rest of this thread is going into some specifics with spoilers, I'll keep the text vague on character names but if you don't want spoilers, don't watch the clips I'm posting)

Anyway, after some chatting you eventually learn that one of the users on the site is a trans woman, and in the process you learn that "transgender" is even a thing.

Alex then get to talk to the trans woman and she helps to walk Alex through it and help Alex realize that she's trans.

"Well little Alex I guess that's what we're gonna find out now, hmm? :/ "

This was the exact moment my egg cracked. She asks Alex if she could be a girl, no strings attached, and everyone is chill, would she do it? I thought to myself that I would. Alex said she would. The trans woman says that means Alex is trans... but wait that also means I'm trans.

This was really hard for me at the time. Obviously. That's a hell of a thing to realize about yourself out of the blue. This is why this game made the difference for me. It made me connect with Alex the way nothing else did.

Rereading this scene is funny. Exactly one year ago I related with Alex so much, now I'm relating to the trans woman

"And it feels fucking greeeeeaaattt <3"

It is weird to think of that as quite possibly the most important conversation in any piece of media to me, but it so obviously is.

(This scene also happened to be timed for my hrt, so I literally had ladypills dissolving while reading. 3 months as of yesterday!)

The next day, she helps Alex to get used to it. Like enjoying being called a girl, and pointing out how important that is.

"What if I'm not a girl no matter how much I want it?"

"That can't be all there is to it, right?"

This conversation was the perfect comfort for me at this point. I was having this chat perfectly synced with Alex. This is exactly what I needed to hear.

Alex then talks to another friend, and helps her to realize she's trans to. They're both new to this and aren't sure what they'll do, but they'll figure it out.

That was another important conversation for me. They don't know what the future holds, but they're working on it. That conversation was basically me for the next few weeks. Those early days were rough. But they'll figure it out, so why can't I?

That's the core theme of the game here. "She'll figure it out" This was the perfect sentiment for me to get at this time. It was all new and scary to me, but even if I wasn't sure how, I knew I would figure it out eventually.

Thanks for reading. If you would like to play this game, check it out on itch or steam:
https://ristar.itch.io/secret-little-haven
https://store.steampowered.com/app/827290/Secret_Little_Haven/

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