Unpopular Opinion: DnD Edition

Gary Gygax wasn't an unfair or mean dungeon designer
Y'all are just pussies

People who don't understand THAC0 are either lazy or stupid.
I have to do subtraction on my fingers and I understand it. Do some 4th grade math and get over it.

The alignment system is integral to almost every part of the game and people who ignore it are wrong

3d6 in order is THE BEST method of chargen because it forces players to step outside their bubble and become better role-players by having to play roles outside what they're used to
It also keeps you from confusing Addirondacks The Fire Mage from Alkimavor, his 43rd clone

If Character Generation takes over 30 minutes for an experienced player & GM to get through, your version of D&D is bad

Experience should come from gaining treasure and killing monsters, but primarily from gaining treasure
Combat should be risky, best avoided, and yield almost no xp so that players are forced to come up with clever ways around it & use the brain they're supposed to be playing with

HP should be capped, for PC's and monsters, at a relatively low number
This avoids hours-long combat, keeps it frightening, forces players to attempt to avoid it whenever possible, and reduces bookkeeping for everyone to a healthy and sustainable time scale

Vancian Magic is a good system. Go read Dying Earth you undereducated midwits.

Monsters from the MM are boring and predictable, especially if you have GM's in your player group who've already read that entry.
You should make up your own monsters to keep players on their toes
This also completely avoids rules-lawyering about monster abilities

The DM should strive to be a fair and neutral arbiter of the rules.
He also has COMPLETE AND TOTAL veto and interpretation power over the rules, as well as when deciding what goes into his milieu. If there are no elves in his world, you're not playing an elf.
Get over it.

Unless a monster has become so commonplace in your dungeon (AVOID!) that your players recognize it by sight, NEVER EVER refer to a monster by its name in the MM.
Those are technical names for sages, like latin animal names on Earth.
By description or local legend ONLY

"Oathbreaker Paladins" should not exist
If you break your oath, you're not a paladin anymore. That's what "Paladin" means.
While I'm here, Evil Paladins also should not exist. We already have those, they're called Anti-Paladins or Blackguards.

Race (actually species but w/e) essentialism is core to D&D, and not every race should be allowed to be everything.
Elven druids make no sense.
Dwarven mages are too precious to go adventuring.
A Halfling barbarian?
Please.

Dungeons and Dragons is a game of swords & sorcery, not high fantasy.
Attempting to model Tolkien with D&D leads to ruin and boring campaigns.
Conan, John Carter of Mars, Fafhrd & The Gray Mouser, Jirel of Joiry, The Witcher, Elric of Melnibone, etc, however, work great.

The absolute best D&D game is the Dungeon Crawl.
Done properly, a Dungeon Crawl has all the high-minded politics, factions, intrigue, etc of a Kingdom-scale game, but retains the inherent weirdness of crawling into a dangerous hole in the ground to get gold and jewels.

Wandering monsters are an important part of the game.
Not only do they punish players who hang around one place for too long, they also give the dungeon an ecosystem-feel & can lead to important """"plot"""" related developments with other, more powerful dungeon monsters

If your players are intelligent enough to bring pitons, caltrops, and a 10ft. pole into the dungeon with them, it's your job as DM to give them opportunities to use them.
If they didn't, it's your job to punish them for coming into the dungeon unprepared.
Keep a trap table handy

Random tables are D&D's bread and butter, and they take so much work off the DM it's ridiculous. If you've got them to hand then you can just roll some dice as your players find stuff and then tell them what they got.
As a DM who does this, it's fuggin great

"Bounded Accuracy" is retarded and, combined with several other elements of 5e, completely eliminates the possibility of classical D&D play in that edition unless you just want to look like a sadistic piece of crap DM who's out to murder his players' characters

"Role-Playing" does not mean "To act as if in a play"
"Role-Playing" means "To play a role that is useful to the party"
D&D is not psychodrama, or a soap opera
You roll your dice, play your class, and try your damndest to be useful
Nobody cares about your tragic backstory