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House of Hades staff ranked best to worst by how much of a hassle they make it for me when processing reimbursements of their business expenses
(with some help from @gehns233rd!)
(with some help from @gehns233rd!)
Nyx processes her own expense reports. I don't ever see them. I do not ask.
Charon doesn't really have expenses but he does occasionally turn in impeccable balance sheets regarding the shops he runs throughout the Underworld. I have no idea what he expects me to do with the information.
Lord Hades... So I *think* what's happening there is that he incurs an enormous amount of expenses but literally never has the time to submit them, so he just writes them off on his taxes. Which he levies anyway, so. Fine by me. The lord of riches does not need my paperwork.
Thanatos is super meticulous and reasonable about it all. Turns everything in promptly, writes me a nice thorough summary and explanation of his expenses. Unfortunately almost everything he submits is in surface currency so there's some conversion involved but it's not so bad.
Achilles... At *this point,* he's about as thorough as Thanatos is. Starting out, though, oof. You know how princes are. He took a *lot* of training.
Oh, Fates, Dusa. She's the sweetest. She buys only the cheapest of cleaning supplies and turns in her receipts *immediately*. I think she lives in fear that one day she'll accidentally turn in something personal or too expensive and be fired on the spot.
Who's next... ugh, that new guy, the contractor? He's thorough, to be sure, but he submits some WILD expenses. I asked Lord Hades about it and he just groaned and waved me away. Nyx said not to worry about it. So I guess I'm just going to not worry about it.
And then there's the chef... listen, it's nice of him to cook for us and everything but we're dead! We can't taste anything! He bought *saffron* the other day, do you have any idea how expensive saffron is? But he turns in his receipts, I've been told to reimburse him, *whatever*
I occasionally get these really strange receipts from someone calling himself the storyteller, not really clear what's going on there, but he's got a budget line so I reimburse him against the budget line.
Who else... In terms of ranking, I'd say Tisiphone's next, the Fury. She actually doesn't turn in many expenses at all, though when she does, Fates only know why she needs what she buys. I'm definitely not going to ask questions.
Oh I forgot Orpheus. He's back recently and he's been spending up a storm, I think because he didn't have access to his budget line while he was out in Tartarus. Making up for lost time, you know. His explanations get a little whimsical sometimes but he's fine, I guess.
Aaaugh OK listen, you didn't hear this from me, but if I never had to process another report for Megaera I'd be so much happier. She turns in EVERYTHING. It's all above-board but it is just SO MUCH.
Like, sometimes she tortures her victims too hard so she needs to buy them a bandage so she can keep torturing them I guess? She will *absolutely* turn in three separate one-obol receipts from UnderRite Aid at a time. No summary. At least she arranges everything chronologically.
Better than Alecto, though, who just... sends me literal bushels of receipts with no explanation. I mean. I don't really want her to explain to me why she needs five dozen meat tenderizers because I don't think it's for cooking, but some of these expenses I'm not sure are legit.
Kind of relatedly, Hypnos only remembers to bring in his receipts like... twice a decade, or so? At which time he'll bring me an entire sack of receipts and sit there with me telling me long stories about each expense in lieu of providing a summary to work from.
I just try to power through as many as I can when he dozes off, honestly.
And then there's the prince... (sighs) I mean obviously he's been cut off recently. But before that whole everything, he had this unlimited discretionary fund and a company card and I could NOT get it through his head that he *still needed to reconcile his expenses*.
It's not like I was going to stop him from spending the money! Just... Your highness. Please. You still need to do the expense reports.
(I wound up doing all the expense reports.)
(I wound up doing all the expense reports.)
And last but oh, certainly not least, is this "Skelly" figure. I mean he's not so much a hassle as he is an extremely stressful mystery. The only time he's ever sought reimbursement is for those statues. He just, like, clattered into my office, handed over the invoices...
...and told me, "take it from my budget line, missy!" And sure enough, there was a budget line labeled "For Skelly." His salary's coming from the same line. I have no idea what the source of the monies is. And I mean, it's not my job to know, but I usually *do*.
Actually the other day the prince sidled up to me, while he wasn't actively getting himself killed I guess, and tried to ask me who was paying Skelly. I almost wished I had an answer for him, but unfortunately, I do not.
So I reminded him of his outstanding expense reports instead.
(Then he gave me a nectar. And left again. I don't think those expense reports are ever going to go through.)
(Then he gave me a nectar. And left again. I don't think those expense reports are ever going to go through.)
oh GODS how could I forget Theseus. He wasn't even my PROBLEM until recently, he was mostly handled internally to Elysium and received cash awards rather than salary or reimbursements. But now? With this whole, I think the prince has some kind of Pact of Punishment condition?
Theseus keeps demanding that I arrange for his chariot to be repaired. Like, daily, as far as anyone can tell down here. And if I don't find have it repaired by the best and most expensive workers I can find he goes on and ON about it
I'm not even his admin! And the bounties the prince is winning from him are coming out of HIS paycheck! He doesn't have the cash for this extravagence! Oh, gods, spare me from ever having to deal with Theseus again.
(Asterius, on the other hand, is new to this but he's being SO conscientious. He's a sweetie.)
