my god

I just discovered something @eigenrobot has been hiding in plain sight

and I am pretty astounded

I'm still going to marry him because good lord someone has to

what I just spent the last two hours piecing together is

this man doesn't

eat

vegetables

and like okay plenty of people are weird about vegetables

but what's insane is I didn't NOTICE

I knew something was *off*

there did seem to be a rather large number of things that he disliked in food

but he eats enough variety that if you think about it he had to have eaten a vegetable at least once in the last week right???

and once you get there you're already overthinking it unless you gave birth to or are planning to marry this man

and he lifts so it's pretty normal to eat a plain diet during the week

lots of protein

and he'll eat my stews and soups that have carrots and onions and potatoes

but lets be real if your mom asks if you've eaten a vegetable and you're like YEAH I HAD ONIONS AND POTATOES

you know that doesn't count

and each individual preference is so reasonable

he doesn't expect me to cook for him and in fact he's overwhelmed whenever I do

he isn't some stereotype of a manchild at all

frequently dresses better than I do

manages his life very well all by himself

oh and get this in trying to ask for his dietary preferences he just said "oh I don't like cruciferous vegetables" which sounds 100% reasonable if you're just super into this guy and trying not to be weird or offputting

anyways I was a victim of motivated ignorance here

but you know what "cruciferous vegetable" includes?

ALL. OF THEM

fucking nice smart competent Midwestern boy who can quote Shakespeare and gets his clothes tailored

it's a lie it's all a goddamn lie crafted over decades to conceal the fact that he has the dietary preferences of a fucking teenage mutant ninja turtle

you want to talk about psychedelic insight well this is my psychedelic insight I'm going to have this man's children and try to figure out how to get them to eat a vegetable or at least TRY IT before being swayed by their father's barbarian habits

fueled by the exasperated distress of a thousand grandmothers before me rn

I don't even know why it seems so important to make people I love eat vegetables okay

I KNOW all of the arguments

I know the sad state of nutrition science

I don't care

I will not forcefeed my children if they don't like vegetables

but I will worry and I have no idea why

ok some of you are like "haha bachelor laziness/efficiency amirite"

get it straight eigen is hiding his peas under his plate levels here

after I ranted to eigen for 1.5 hours about the fact that he won't eat vegetables he put "Take Me As I Am" from goddamn fucking RENT and started making out with me

asshole