Read on TwitterTo preface: I like to watch bad movies from the 80s and laugh at them. This gem of a sequence might just be the best in all of cinema history. It comes from the 1986 Sylvester Stallone film “Cobra”. It has a 14% on rotten tomatoes.
1. The car. He’s wearing a black leather jacket and aviators while driving what looks like a 1950 Studebaker.
2. He’s eating a lollipop while trying to be a badass. It’s so funny.
2. He’s eating a lollipop while trying to be a badass. It’s so funny.
3. He fully grabs the guys ENTIRE face just to pull the cigarette out of his mouth while he’s wearing black leather gloves and delivers an all-time line:
“That’s bad for your health.”
“what is?”
“Me.”
And then disdainfully chucks the cigarette on the ground.
“That’s bad for your health.”
“what is?”
“Me.”
And then disdainfully chucks the cigarette on the ground.
4. Then, he RIPS THE GUYS SHIRT BY THE COLLAR and tells him “clean up you act!”
5. Then he walks away slowly, wearing the TIGHTEST JEANS and slaps his ass with a newspaper as he gets name called.
5. Then he walks away slowly, wearing the TIGHTEST JEANS and slaps his ass with a newspaper as he gets name called.
6. That same newspaper?? WELL OBVIOUSLY it goes in the charcoal grill next to the front door.
7. He walks inside his apartment to take a carton of eggs and a pizza box out of the freezer. THE FREEZER.
7. He walks inside his apartment to take a carton of eggs and a pizza box out of the freezer. THE FREEZER.
8. And this is my favorite part. HE CUTS THE PIZZA INTO A PIECE WITH A SCISSORS!!!! WTF IS GOING ON!!???!!!
9. Forgot to mention that it’s literally just one piece of pizza in the box. He’s massacred more slices in previous days leading up to this, probably.
9. Forgot to mention that it’s literally just one piece of pizza in the box. He’s massacred more slices in previous days leading up to this, probably.
10. His gun cleaning kit is in the egg carton. Hilarious. Also, Why the freezer?????? Psychopath
11. We then get a little backstory to the killer he’s tracking down via news broadcast. We learn that there’s no correlation to the killings. BUT, and obviously this goes without...
11. We then get a little backstory to the killer he’s tracking down via news broadcast. We learn that there’s no correlation to the killings. BUT, and obviously this goes without...
... saying, we learn that one of the victims was a sexually assaulted child. Again, if there’s no correlation, why does that MATTER AT ALL!!????
It’s literally just inviting people to look into a different case altogether.
It’s literally just inviting people to look into a different case altogether.
Went back through it for the 20th time.
12. When he arrives inside his apartment, he turns on the kitchen light and it has legitimately zero effect on the lighting in his already bright ass apartment with a beach view during sunset.
12. When he arrives inside his apartment, he turns on the kitchen light and it has legitimately zero effect on the lighting in his already bright ass apartment with a beach view during sunset.
13. There is a telescope in the background of the shot as he’s getting the pizza from the fridge that
13a. Is pointed at complete horizontal to ensure you’re not seeing any stars and
13b. There’s no way this detective cutting pizza with scissors is intrigued with the night sky.
13a. Is pointed at complete horizontal to ensure you’re not seeing any stars and
13b. There’s no way this detective cutting pizza with scissors is intrigued with the night sky.
14. He tosses his keys on the counter littered with papers as he enters his apartment and then there is a statue of a rhino, FOR NO REASON mind you, that has a key hanging on its horn. What is that key even for??!!! I have so many questions.
15. He turns the TV on like he’s throwing a pitch in Wii baseball as he aggressively flicks the remote toward the screen as it turns on.
16. NOT ONCE does he even think about taking of his leather gloves. Those come with the outfit, like he’s a mannequin at Express, unchanging.
16. NOT ONCE does he even think about taking of his leather gloves. Those come with the outfit, like he’s a mannequin at Express, unchanging.
