I stopped touching once I slipped down the stairs after using the Coco butter gel https://twitter.com/kimsuimiki/status/1212863562416369664

I was on my way to having a breakthrough in moisturization

Head to toe dipped in Vaselines finest gel oil

I rubbed that gel oil on the very heels of my feet... Total moisture

Smelling like the spirit of the ancestors

I'm headed down stairs to get ready for church

And before I knew it both grace and mercy had missed me

My naked body with varied states of viscosity speeding down the stairs at an unparalleled rate of speed

I'm trying to stop... But my hands have no traction.... No control...

It seemed like I was falling for an eternity and if I die right here... They gonna find my dead body

Naked as the day of my birth... And glistening like lake tuscaloosa at dawn

Normally I would have a problem with either one of these things...

But...

My momma gonna ask"how did they find him"

And butt ass naked shining like new money is not the report that I want medical professionals to give my mother

Momma has a history of asking people how they found the body...

Resulting in a spectrum of responses... Most notably when they found my great aunt in the closet with an open jar of peanut butter...

To which my mother replied... "Have mercy Lord... How hungry do you have to be to die eating peanut butter"

That's not the point here... I got distracted I'm sorry... Aunt honey was my fave

I'm falling down the stairs and nothing in my experience or training is saving my life

I came to the bottom of the stairs ... Ironically enough... If slippery enough... Humans will bounce

A pretty significant "thud"

Booty girth saved my life

I rise to witness that what's behind you can save you

As an update... I've decided to try something new