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This is a hard time of year for me.
I just dropped my kids off + I won't see them for almost two weeks.
This is bc I made a terrible uninformed decision when I got divorced.
I just wanted the pain to stop so I agreed to a bad schedule.
Men going thru divorce: GET A LAWYER.
I just dropped my kids off + I won't see them for almost two weeks.
This is bc I made a terrible uninformed decision when I got divorced.
I just wanted the pain to stop so I agreed to a bad schedule.
Men going thru divorce: GET A LAWYER.
Schedules need to grow and evolve as the kids get older.
When my son was 3 years old, he did need his mother more.
Now that he is 13, he needs me more.
But money, pride, greed, and vengeance get in the way.
All he wants is to see me more.
and now he knows the ugly truth.
When my son was 3 years old, he did need his mother more.
Now that he is 13, he needs me more.
But money, pride, greed, and vengeance get in the way.
All he wants is to see me more.
and now he knows the ugly truth.
I didn't know SHIT about divorce or child custody when I got separated.
It wasn't until I found communities online did I learn what I could have pushed for.
After years of misery and then divorce hostilities, I just wanted the fighting to stop.
Was a huge mistake on my part.
It wasn't until I found communities online did I learn what I could have pushed for.
After years of misery and then divorce hostilities, I just wanted the fighting to stop.
Was a huge mistake on my part.
I told my ex over the years that her hardline position would come back to bite her in the ass.
No matter how much she hated me, the kids were gonna love me.
And now they know she is literally the only thing standing between us and more time together.
I feel bad for them.
No matter how much she hated me, the kids were gonna love me.
And now they know she is literally the only thing standing between us and more time together.
I feel bad for them.
I never wanted to be a weekend only Disney Dad.
I want to get up in the middle of the night when they're sick.
I want to help with their homework.
I want to be there when they're bored or scared or upset.
It's the little things which matter most, not the big weekends.
I want to get up in the middle of the night when they're sick.
I want to help with their homework.
I want to be there when they're bored or scared or upset.
It's the little things which matter most, not the big weekends.
Over ten years I've managed to wrestle away 1 more night each week with the kids.
So now we're up to 4 days out every 14.
It's still not enough. It's never enough.
So I find ways to see them more.
This is why Little League was so important to me and my son.
It was OUR time.
So now we're up to 4 days out every 14.
It's still not enough. It's never enough.
So I find ways to see them more.
This is why Little League was so important to me and my son.
It was OUR time.
In DC, you can't re-open a child custody case unless there have been significant unanticipated changes.
Them getting older doesn't count.
Me and the kids are at my ex's mercy.
That's not working out well for us.
Which is why getting a great lawyer at the jump is required.
Them getting older doesn't count.
Me and the kids are at my ex's mercy.
That's not working out well for us.
Which is why getting a great lawyer at the jump is required.
We left our house at 930AM to drop them at their mom's.
Once we got there, they both stayed in the car and talked to me for almost another hour!
No one wanted it to end.
My son got really sad.
So did I.
But we promised to stay in touch and I know we will.
Once we got there, they both stayed in the car and talked to me for almost another hour!
No one wanted it to end.
My son got really sad.
So did I.
But we promised to stay in touch and I know we will.
I want someone somewhere to benefit from my mistakes.
Which is one reason I talk about this so much on twitter and on my blog.
Dads, please know your rights.
Please know your kids need you.
I know divorce is devastating but stay strong and fight.
It WILL PAY OFF.
Which is one reason I talk about this so much on twitter and on my blog.
Dads, please know your rights.
Please know your kids need you.
I know divorce is devastating but stay strong and fight.
It WILL PAY OFF.
Can you imagine what it's like for a son to ask his mother for more time with his Dad?
He's so worried about hurting her feelings too.
He's conflicted.
It must cause him so much pain.
Not understanding why he can't see his Dad more.
He's so worried about hurting her feelings too.
He's conflicted.
It must cause him so much pain.
Not understanding why he can't see his Dad more.
The only path to more time involves the kids making statements to the court.
I'm sure that would make them feel like they're betraying their mother.
I don't want that either.
It's such a complex fucked up situation.
Which could be resolved easily if....
I'm sure that would make them feel like they're betraying their mother.
I don't want that either.
It's such a complex fucked up situation.
Which could be resolved easily if....
He texted me a few minutes ago.
His mom saw how sad he was.
He asked her for more time with me.
Something as simple as just spending the night on Sunday on our weekends would make a big difference.
I'm proud of him for being brave.
She said "we'll talk later."
His mom saw how sad he was.
He asked her for more time with me.
Something as simple as just spending the night on Sunday on our weekends would make a big difference.
I'm proud of him for being brave.
She said "we'll talk later."
I can't imagine how painful it must be for the to face the fallibility of their mother at the same time they long for more time with their father.
We all learn our parents are human one day, but this must be an excruciating way to find out.
We all learn our parents are human one day, but this must be an excruciating way to find out.
I wrote about all this a few years ago.
Countless men have thanked me for this essay.
I hope someone whose reading this today will find some hope and benefit here: https://jackmurphylive.com/the-calculus-of-divorce-and-how-to-convert-pain-to-progress/
Countless men have thanked me for this essay.
I hope someone whose reading this today will find some hope and benefit here: https://jackmurphylive.com/the-calculus-of-divorce-and-how-to-convert-pain-to-progress/
One bright spot is that the advice I gave in the essay above, turned into the Liminal Order, which is a men's fraternity that emphasizes paternal leadership, care, service, and community.
I'm working every day to help men avoid my mistakes and to recover from their own.
I'm working every day to help men avoid my mistakes and to recover from their own.
Today my son took action to improve his life.
Today I am proud of him as I always am.
Today our love is stronger than ever and for that I'm grateful.
Men going through divorce, please never give up the fight for your children.
They must see you fight for them!!
Today I am proud of him as I always am.
Today our love is stronger than ever and for that I'm grateful.
Men going through divorce, please never give up the fight for your children.
They must see you fight for them!!
It’s hard to believe but there is an even bigger crazier tale this story is a part of.
If the thread you just read made you feel something, you’re gonna want to read this next one all the way to the end:
https://twitter.com/jackmurphylive/status/1177613210863714304?s=21
If the thread you just read made you feel something, you’re gonna want to read this next one all the way to the end:
https://twitter.com/jackmurphylive/status/1177613210863714304?s=21
Today is a day I’m reminded of the kindness possible on twitter. Thank you everyone.
(added:)
My son + I find ways to spend time together.
I drive to his mom's house and we lift weights in the street.
He wants to big and strong like me.
It's not a coincidence that his mom opposes, and that her negativity has pushed my son away.
read: https://twitter.com/jackmurphylive/status/1198367812110241792?s=20
My son + I find ways to spend time together.
I drive to his mom's house and we lift weights in the street.
He wants to big and strong like me.
It's not a coincidence that his mom opposes, and that her negativity has pushed my son away.
read: https://twitter.com/jackmurphylive/status/1198367812110241792?s=20
My response to frequent comments:
- yes I've tried to go through the courts. No, you can't just reopen custody cases without cause.
- yes we find 1000 other ways to see each other outside of the schedule, son and daughter both
- there is no kindess which will calm their mother
- yes I've tried to go through the courts. No, you can't just reopen custody cases without cause.
- yes we find 1000 other ways to see each other outside of the schedule, son and daughter both
- there is no kindess which will calm their mother
- yes my kids can petition the court soon. I am reluctant to push them that way, it will be painful.
- yes they kids are beginning to understand, and while its good for me, it sucks for them. no joy there for me.
- i've spent thousands trying already. she's spent more
- yes they kids are beginning to understand, and while its good for me, it sucks for them. no joy there for me.
- i've spent thousands trying already. she's spent more
If this thread resonated with you, you will want to read this essay here.
How a boy became a man in the wilderness. More deeply personal and powerful stories here that all men can relate to:
https://jackmurphylive.com/liminal-order/death-and-rebirth-in-the-wilderness/
How a boy became a man in the wilderness. More deeply personal and powerful stories here that all men can relate to:
https://jackmurphylive.com/liminal-order/death-and-rebirth-in-the-wilderness/
Here's another heart warming story about my son and how awesome he is.
This one went global crazy viral. https://twitter.com/jackmurphylive/status/1084456663074131969
This one went global crazy viral. https://twitter.com/jackmurphylive/status/1084456663074131969
You've made it this far, now read one of the essays I'm most proud of....and yes, my son is the main character: https://jackmurphylive.com/baseball-america-fatherhood-parttime-dad/
