not interested in e-drama.

thinking about an America where 9/11 never happened

thinking about the false promises of this millennium

someone i knew wore a gold chain with "2000" on it because he graduated that year. it was mark of pride for him that he was ranked among the first adults of the new millennium.

ofc it didnt matter. it was just a new year. ordinary. but i remember it feeling different

when the clock struck midnight on December 31st, 1999, and our computers didnt commit suicide and the markets didnt crash we thought that we were truly ready for the future. maybe Y2K was supposed to be our creation myth for the new millennium

i dont think i expected flying cars but i certainly could stare at a screensaver for minutes on end, baffled by the seemingly infinite possibilities. i imagined each tube was a portal into another world and the computer was my pathway into each dimension

that screensaver is almost all i remember about the year 2000. for something that seemed so important on December 31st, 1999, i barely remember anything except those incalculable conduits that snaked across my dad's computer screen.

no memories of 2000, except labyrinthine color traveling across a screen in perpetuity.

my sense of memory began a year later: drab ruins, crushingly finite.

perhaps this is simply the process of maturing but for many like me their first distinct, waking memory is that of destruction.

the act of human innovation we remember was a bit different than a moon walk

even when i write fiction all i conceptualize are scenarios of destruction, pre or post. the cataclysm is the focal point. everything swells up from that event.

i dont think im alone.

what does it say about a generation that can only imagine ruins?