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DM: ‘You come to large wooden door.’
Cat: ‘I knock at the door.’
DM: ‘An orc opens it and asks you to come in.’
Cat: ‘I do nothing.’
DM ‘He asks you to come inside again.’
Cat: ‘I do nothing.’
DM: ‘Eventually the orc tires and closes the door.’
Cat: ‘I knock at the door.’
Cat: ‘I knock at the door.’
DM: ‘An orc opens it and asks you to come in.’
Cat: ‘I do nothing.’
DM ‘He asks you to come inside again.’
Cat: ‘I do nothing.’
DM: ‘Eventually the orc tires and closes the door.’
Cat: ‘I knock at the door.’
Dog: ‘I want to scoot ahead.’
DM: ‘You mean ‘scout’’
Dog: ‘No, scoot - something is irritating my anus - maybe I shouldn’t have licked that orc poop.’
DM:....
‘Roll for dexterity.’
DM: ‘You mean ‘scout’’
Dog: ‘No, scoot - something is irritating my anus - maybe I shouldn’t have licked that orc poop.’
DM:....
‘Roll for dexterity.’
DM: ‘You come to a narrow passage.’
Dog: ‘I walk through with my spear held out across me.’
DM:...
DM: ‘Make a Perception roll.’
Dog: (fails)
DM: ‘You can’t get through.’
Dog: ‘Can I try again?’
DM: ‘Sure’.
Dog: (fails) 3rd time lucky?
DM: ‘What’s your intelligence?’
Dog: ‘I walk through with my spear held out across me.’
DM:...
DM: ‘Make a Perception roll.’
Dog: (fails)
DM: ‘You can’t get through.’
Dog: ‘Can I try again?’
DM: ‘Sure’.
Dog: (fails) 3rd time lucky?
DM: ‘What’s your intelligence?’
DM ‘You open the chest and find treasure inside.’
Cat: ‘I empty the chest of everything.’
DM: ‘You take out all the treasure.’
Cat: ‘I get in.’
DM: ‘What?’
Cat: ‘I get in the chest and close the lid.’
DM:. ‘Okaaay’.
Cat: ‘-and wait for a sneak attack.’
DM: (sighs)...
Cat: ‘I empty the chest of everything.’
DM: ‘You take out all the treasure.’
Cat: ‘I get in.’
DM: ‘What?’
Cat: ‘I get in the chest and close the lid.’
DM:. ‘Okaaay’.
Cat: ‘-and wait for a sneak attack.’
DM: (sighs)...
DM: ‘The skeleton warrior shatters into pieces and falls at your feet.’
Dog: ‘Search the remains.’
DM: ‘Roll for perception.’
(Fails)
DM: ‘You only find bones.’
Dog: ‘We’ve hit the jackpot, boys.’
DM: ‘What about the rest of the quest?’
Dog: ‘Screw it - got what I came for.’
Dog: ‘Search the remains.’
DM: ‘Roll for perception.’
(Fails)
DM: ‘You only find bones.’
Dog: ‘We’ve hit the jackpot, boys.’
DM: ‘What about the rest of the quest?’
Dog: ‘Screw it - got what I came for.’
DM: ‘With a final roar, the Red Dragon goes down - slain by your good luck and steeled determination. What do you do now?’
Cat: ‘I grab it by the neck and take it back to camp.’
DM: ‘What?’
Cat: ‘I grab it-‘
DM: It weighs over 10 tonnes!
Cat: (Rolls against Strength anyway).
Cat: ‘I grab it by the neck and take it back to camp.’
DM: ‘What?’
Cat: ‘I grab it-‘
DM: It weighs over 10 tonnes!
Cat: (Rolls against Strength anyway).
DM: ‘There’s a dragon swarm up ahead’.
Dog: ‘I cast ‘Summon Animal Companion’.’
DM: ‘Alright, what animal?’
Dog: ‘A cat.’
DM:...
DM: ‘Okay, a small tabby suddenly appears and awaits your orders.’
Dog: ‘I get out my provisions while watching the cat charge into battle.’
Dog: ‘I cast ‘Summon Animal Companion’.’
DM: ‘Alright, what animal?’
Dog: ‘A cat.’
DM:...
DM: ‘Okay, a small tabby suddenly appears and awaits your orders.’
Dog: ‘I get out my provisions while watching the cat charge into battle.’
DM: ‘You see a goblin war party sat around a campfire eating supper.’
Dog: ‘I go into camp and stare at whatever they are eating.’
DM:... (rolls for reaction)
DM: ‘Surprisingly, they just stare back at you.’
Dog: ‘I beg.’
DM:... (Rolls against Charisma)
(Passes)
DM: SonOva-
Dog: ‘I go into camp and stare at whatever they are eating.’
DM:... (rolls for reaction)
DM: ‘Surprisingly, they just stare back at you.’
Dog: ‘I beg.’
DM:... (Rolls against Charisma)
(Passes)
DM: SonOva-
DM: ‘The fairy princess thanks you and your party of heroes for rescuing her kin from the evil ice Trolls - they have been saved from slavery, torture and a cold grave. What you have done will echo for eternity in songs. She will grant you three wishes...’
Cat: ‘Eat the fairy.’
Cat: ‘Eat the fairy.’
DM: ‘You come to a dead-end, there’s nothing here but a small hole.’
Cat: ‘I go in the hole’.
DM: ‘You can’t, you’re too big.’
Cat: ‘I go in the hole.’
DM: ‘You’re wearing platemail!’
Cat: ‘I go in the hole.’
DM: ...
‘Make a wisdom check.’
(Fails)
DM: ‘You’re stuck.’
Cat: ‘I go in the hole’.
DM: ‘You can’t, you’re too big.’
Cat: ‘I go in the hole.’
DM: ‘You’re wearing platemail!’
Cat: ‘I go in the hole.’
DM: ...
‘Make a wisdom check.’
(Fails)
DM: ‘You’re stuck.’
DM: ‘From your hiding spot you see an Orc - he hasn’t noticed you yet’.
Dog: ‘I sneak up from behind and sniff his butt’.
DM:...
‘Make an intelligence roll’.
Dog: ‘I sneak up from behind and sniff his butt’.
DM:...
‘Make an intelligence roll’.
DM: ‘You are in a tavern and need a well-earned drink - but the landlord, a gruff Dwarf, seems less than pleased to see you.’
Cat: ‘I’ll be friendly towards him.’
DM: ‘Make a Charisma check.’
(Passes)
DM: ‘Success! The Dwarf warms to you.’
Cat: ‘I scratch his eyes out.’
Cat: ‘I’ll be friendly towards him.’
DM: ‘Make a Charisma check.’
(Passes)
DM: ‘Success! The Dwarf warms to you.’
Cat: ‘I scratch his eyes out.’
DM ‘The Gnome throws the dart and-‘
Dog: ‘I run after the dart and bring it back!’
DM: ‘You can’t, it’s hit an Orc!’
Dog: ‘I jump up at the Orc, excitedly!’
DM: ...
‘Roll for intelligence’. (fails)
DM: ‘The Orc removes the dart and throws it towards a chasm, you follow...’
Dog: ‘I run after the dart and bring it back!’
DM: ‘You can’t, it’s hit an Orc!’
Dog: ‘I jump up at the Orc, excitedly!’
DM: ...
‘Roll for intelligence’. (fails)
DM: ‘The Orc removes the dart and throws it towards a chasm, you follow...’
DM: ‘You have entered the Blackheart Forest, you will need to pass quietly as not to alert foes to your presence.’
Dog: ‘I search the trees’.
DM: ‘What are you looking for?’
Dog: ‘Squirrels’.
DM:....
‘Make a perception roll’.
(Passes)
Dog: ‘BARK! BARK! BARK!’
Dog: ‘I search the trees’.
DM: ‘What are you looking for?’
Dog: ‘Squirrels’.
DM:....
‘Make a perception roll’.
(Passes)
Dog: ‘BARK! BARK! BARK!’
(Stolen from Facebook - but too good to ignore, so can’t take the credit for it).
DM: ‘The wizard places a chalice on the table, filled with a strange smoking liquid. He cautions that this potion is incredibly dang—‘
Cat: ‘I knock it over.’
DM: ‘The wizard places a chalice on the table, filled with a strange smoking liquid. He cautions that this potion is incredibly dang—‘
Cat: ‘I knock it over.’
DM: ‘You party comes under attack from Goblin raiders - your Fighter is trying to hold back the ambush long enough for the rest of the party to escape. What are you going to do?’
Cat: ‘I sit on his head’.
Cat: ‘I sit on his head’.
Dog: ‘I want to cast Animal Friendship.’
DM: ‘On what?’
Dog: ‘The cat in my party.’
DM: ‘Cat, roll for your saving throw’.
(Passes)
DM: ‘It doesn’t work’.
Cat: ‘I’m going to kill you in your sleep tonight.’
Dog: ....
DM: ‘On what?’
Dog: ‘The cat in my party.’
DM: ‘Cat, roll for your saving throw’.
(Passes)
DM: ‘It doesn’t work’.
Cat: ‘I’m going to kill you in your sleep tonight.’
Dog: ....
