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Trigger warning for anyone who has ever received tough feedback!
Recently, I gave a founder some feedback and they went into fight or flight. So I thought about how to reduce the emotional bandwidth required by tough feedback using the principles of data compression.
Thread!
Recently, I gave a founder some feedback and they went into fight or flight. So I thought about how to reduce the emotional bandwidth required by tough feedback using the principles of data compression.
Thread!
What is emotional bandwidth?
It’s the energy required to manage your emotional state and stay open, present and listening. Some conversations don’t require much of this bandwidth - tough feedback conversations do. (2/18)
It’s the energy required to manage your emotional state and stay open, present and listening. Some conversations don’t require much of this bandwidth - tough feedback conversations do. (2/18)
So how do you minimize the emotional bandwidth required for feedback? Compress it!
We compress video, gifs, jpgs, mp3s by (1) using processing power upfront and (2) a clever algorithm to squash content to fit through the narrow pipe of bandwidth to our phones/homes. (3/18)
We compress video, gifs, jpgs, mp3s by (1) using processing power upfront and (2) a clever algorithm to squash content to fit through the narrow pipe of bandwidth to our phones/homes. (3/18)
When content exceeds the available bandwidth your message is not received. E.g. you get a frozen video stream.
Exceeding someone’s emotional bandwidth has basically the same effect: they end up in fight or flight and unable to internalize what you’re saying. (4/18)
Exceeding someone’s emotional bandwidth has basically the same effect: they end up in fight or flight and unable to internalize what you’re saying. (4/18)
Even if you’re not exceeding available bandwidth, not compressing things means there’s less room overall. Less simultaneous Netflix and Spotify streams. Less ability to be present with family, friends and colleagues. (5/18)
So how do you compress feedback? Remember compression requires (1) applying processing power upfront and (2) a clever algorithm.
Applying processing power upfront to your feedback means you need to write it out and evaluate its uncompressed “file size”. (6/18)
Applying processing power upfront to your feedback means you need to write it out and evaluate its uncompressed “file size”. (6/18)
Here’s how you assess the file size of your feedback. First, look at how specific or general your observations of the other person are.
Are you making general statements about their behaviors, attitude or beliefs or talking about a specific action you’ve observed? (7/18)
Are you making general statements about their behaviors, attitude or beliefs or talking about a specific action you’ve observed? (7/18)
Second, look at the level of “ownership” you’re taking over your interpretations of this behavior and the thoughts and feelings it has triggered in you - i.e. are you presenting them as universal truths or just your point of view? (8/18)
The more general your feedback and the less you “own” it the bigger the file size. As the file size grows, more emotional bandwidth is needed from your recipient. See this highly technical diagram: (9/18)
Most feedback has a large file size. We give general observations, present our perspective as the truth and avoid being vulnerable by substituting judgments for actual feelings. (10/18)
E.g.: "“You don’t seem to be putting enough effort in, you just don’t care about this project, and I feel like you need to make a change” (11/18)
Notice how this feedback feels like a universal assessment? Being universal means the recipient needs to either fully accept your take on the world or argue to protect their own perspective. Either way they’re burning up emotional bandwidth. (12/18)
Compressing feedback means moving along two axes: specificity and ownership. Talking about specific actions allows for times when the person might have acted differently. Talking from just your perspective leaves room for the recipient to see things differently: (13/18)
Compressed feedback doesn’t require the recipient to fully take or reject your perspective. So they don’t need as much emotional bandwidth to hear it. Extra points if you can state your actual emotions (sadness, joy, anger etc) - that seems to increase bandwidth. (14/18)
Here are some examples of compressed vs uncompressed feedback: (15/18)
So what’s the compression algorithm for feedback? Here’s my 1.0 version - interested to hear your thoughts:
(16/18)
(16/18)
If you’ve read this far - let me know what you think. What was the best-delivered feedback you’ve ever been given? What was the worst?
Here’s a medium post with all this stuff in an easy-to-read format: https://medium.com/startmate/compress-your-feedback-like-a-data-file-9c90f6ae7235
