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This photo came up on my FB memories.
It was taken 6 years ago today.
12 hours after this was taken, was my first overdose attempt.
This person looks happy. They don’t look suicidal.
But I was.
Suicidal thoughts do not have “a look”.
It was taken 6 years ago today.
12 hours after this was taken, was my first overdose attempt.
This person looks happy. They don’t look suicidal.
But I was.
Suicidal thoughts do not have “a look”.
Seeing this photo still scares me.
Because I remember so vividly how I felt at that time.
I felt so low.
I was tired of pretending I was ok for everyone else.
I just wanted it all to stop.
Suicidal thoughts do not have “a look”.
Please remember that. x
Because I remember so vividly how I felt at that time.
I felt so low.
I was tired of pretending I was ok for everyone else.
I just wanted it all to stop.
Suicidal thoughts do not have “a look”.
Please remember that. x
2 years ago I went back into hospital after a second OD attempt I received the diagnosis of having EUPD (Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder / Borderline Personaloty Disorder).
This was truly such a relief to me. Up to this point, I felt everything I’d experienced (ctd...)
This was truly such a relief to me. Up to this point, I felt everything I’d experienced (ctd...)
...(ctd) I was alone in, and there was no term for it. Finding out it was a condition and could be properly treated was truly such a relief after spending so long feeling untreatable and as thought nothing could ever really help me.
I have been dealing with mental difficulties since being diagnosed with anorexia at age 13. I had dropped from 12 stone to 6.5 stone over the course of a summer and was admitted as an inpatient to St. Patrick’s Hospital adolescent unit to try to increase my weight.
Recovering from anorexia is a long process however. I was released from St. Pats after gaining back some weight which allowed to continue treatment and therapy as an out patient and try to return to the new school year. Anorexia however developed into Bulimia as it became a far
easier condition to hide. My family and friends were so happy to see me eating again and I wanted to make them happy. But I could not handle this much food this quickly and the anxiety it caused me. It just seemed so much easier to try and control this by removing any food that
made me uncomfortable. It became a coping mechanism. I could deal with stressful an anxious periods in my life far easier in this way. Consuming large amounts and feeling so anxious about the calories I’d just consumed and then the instant release
and wave of calm after purging. I knew I needed to stop this cycle however and I tried to stop bingeing and purging myself. Removing bulimia however left me with no physical means to cope and I turned to self harming as a way to manage emotions and stress. At this point I knew I
needed to return to regular therapy and seek further help.
Looking back at my struggles with mental health I have learned it is all about learning to manage it and finding what tools work best for you. Initially I thought these issues could just have a “quick fixed” but I know
Looking back at my struggles with mental health I have learned it is all about learning to manage it and finding what tools work best for you. Initially I thought these issues could just have a “quick fixed” but I know
now that is not a healthy way to look at it.Mental health is something I feel needs to be managed and that you need to keep checking up on.Feeling ok now doesn’t mean you may not feel unwell in the future and similarly feeling unwell now doesn’t mean you will never feel ok again.
It’s something I feel you need to keep checking in on so if you do start to feel unwell again, you know how to recognise these signs and know what processes work best for you in order to best deal with these feelings and get through them.
I met with 5 different counsellors before I properly connected with one and felt I could talk openly to them. That itself was disheartening to meet with counsellors and leave feeling it had not helped. So please, if this happens do not let it dishearten you. Do not give up.
What works for you, may not work for others and vice versa. It’s about knowing that and not giving up when a type of medication may not work for you, or type of therapy and know that there is going to be a treatment that works for you and that things can and will improve.
Finally, if I could offer one piece of advice to myself at the start of all this which may help anyone else currently struggling or trying to deal with mental health difficulties, it would be; Please don’t give up. You are worth it. Please know and believe that.
You are strong enough. You are loved enough. You can and will get through this. Just keep fighting. x
