Read on Twitter
Jumping off this with a thread.
On systemwide biphobia/erasure in LGBTQ+/wider spaces, where responsibilities need to lie for this, and relating this to recent discussions about bi inclusion in lesbian spaces.
Buckle up, kids, it's a long one.
And OH BOY did I bring citations. https://twitter.com/DrGBeth/status/1191789882345172992
On systemwide biphobia/erasure in LGBTQ+/wider spaces, where responsibilities need to lie for this, and relating this to recent discussions about bi inclusion in lesbian spaces.
Buckle up, kids, it's a long one.
And OH BOY did I bring citations. https://twitter.com/DrGBeth/status/1191789882345172992
First, I feel two things pretty strongly:
That we don't impose labels on people against their will.
And that we acknowledge that on a larger/systemwide scale this is a phenomenon we see constantly, that we need to address.
That we don't impose labels on people against their will.
And that we acknowledge that on a larger/systemwide scale this is a phenomenon we see constantly, that we need to address.
I think, again, that we need to understand that in a context where bisexuality is seen as illegitimate, hypersexualised, and is marginalised within lG(....b?)(....t?)(..............qia+?) spaces, it is inevitable that people will not feel comfortable or safe owning the label.
And we know that this is the case. https://www.them.us/story/study-explains-lesbian-bias-against-bisexual-women
We know that bi people frequently avoid or closet ourselves (as gay) within the "lgbtq" community, due to active discrimination and hostility within it. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15299710802143174
We know that this is not restricted to the wider LGBTQ+ community, but is also a deeply rooted problem in queer/lesbian women's spaces. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1300/J159v05n04_06
We also know that bi+ people are more likely than LG to suffer from mental health difficulties as a result of exclusion, AND to face further exclusion (even relative to LG people) when we attempt to seek out professional help. https://thinkprogress.org/mental-health-providers-bisexual-patients-094f760b9c5b/
We ALSO know that bi women are frequently brushed off as "really" more or less straight, (and bi men as "really" more or less gay) due to the androcentric desire hypothesis, which is used to exclude bi women from our spaces.
https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2018-27206-003
https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2018-27206-003
And yet, time and again, I see responsibility placed on individuals who are attracted to multiple genders for not owning the label.
Listen, I've owned that label for 20 years. I do not regret that. But fuck, can I understand why people would be scared off it.
Listen, I've owned that label for 20 years. I do not regret that. But fuck, can I understand why people would be scared off it.
If we want more bi/pan people to be out, we HAVE to actively nurture the spaces within which we can some out INTO. That includes queer women's spaces. It includes the wider LGBTQ+ community. It includes queer men's spaces (though again, that's not my own area of knowledge) too.
I'm not going to refer specifically to local events here this week- either you're part of what's been going on, or else it's just one example of a far wider phenomenon, and all pointing fingers will do is target people on all sides who've already been having a rough time.
(mentioning it solely 'cause oh-boy, is it the Elephant In The Room right now. Unless you're reading this in the future in which case, I'll bet you've been linked to this cause of another, similar elephant.)
Here's the deal with why I've posted a shedload of citations above (and OH DO I HAVE MORE if you'd like 'em): what I'm going to say about disparities between inclusion between B and LG people is counter-intuitive.
Here's most people's intuition on the matter: Cishet people experience privilege relative to The Rest Of Us. LG people experience homophobia (and L have the intersection of homophobia and misogyny to deal with).
Intuition is then that surely B people are.. in the middle, yes?
Intuition is then that surely B people are.. in the middle, yes?
(By the way, to add another elephant: I am very aware that I'm not mentioning trans people here. These dynamics are far more complex when it comes to trans experiences but let's just say that trans people, esp women, are gonna be dealing with A Whole Damn Lot.)
(back in a bit: day job calls.)
Right, coffee in hand, let's get back to this.
The reason for the Shedload Of Citations is 'cause this is one of the places where many people's common-sense intuition is deeply incorrect. And where that incorrectness causes harm.
Let's talk about safe(r) or closed spaces.
Lots of groups have 'em, and they perform many incredibly important functions- mostly surrounding people being able to be around others who have been marginalised in similar ways to them.
Lots of groups have 'em, and they perform many incredibly important functions- mostly surrounding people being able to be around others who have been marginalised in similar ways to them.
In my case, I've grown SO MUCH from the time I've spent in women's space, nb space (listen, gender's Fuckin Complicated), lesbian space, bi space.. they've all enriched my life in really important ways.
And it's also essential that we be Very Careful about when it is and isn't appropriate to create those spaces.
There is a huge difference between a space created to give marginalised people room to breathe, and one created to exclude people who are further marginalised.
There is a huge difference between a space created to give marginalised people room to breathe, and one created to exclude people who are further marginalised.
Sometimes this is really easy!
Safer spaces for POC? Excellent, yes, excuse me while I go elsewhere to give you space! Closed spaces for white people? NO ABSOLUTELY NOT THIS IS VERY VERY BAD.
That's easy.
Safer spaces for POC? Excellent, yes, excuse me while I go elsewhere to give you space! Closed spaces for white people? NO ABSOLUTELY NOT THIS IS VERY VERY BAD.
That's easy.
When EVERYONE involved is experiencing multiple marginalisations, this shiz gets complicated as fuck.
It takes a LOT of work (and often study, research, listening really fuckin hard) to untangle the web.
AND everyone in the room(s) is, to some extent, walking in there bruised.
It takes a LOT of work (and often study, research, listening really fuckin hard) to untangle the web.
AND everyone in the room(s) is, to some extent, walking in there bruised.
When it comes to bi+ people in LGBTQ+ spaces? OH BOY is that one hard as fuck.
Cause it's SO EASY for LG people to see a bi person outwardly appearing to benefit from all the straight-passing privilege and wonder what the fuck do THEY need this support for?
Cause it's SO EASY for LG people to see a bi person outwardly appearing to benefit from all the straight-passing privilege and wonder what the fuck do THEY need this support for?
When the oppression you're facing is so damn in-your-face, of COURSE you're going to dismiss something that looks from the outside like a far easier journey. You're going to feel like you're the one needing safer spaces from them.
Like, fuck, I get it.
But.
Then.
When you look at the research, what a different picture emerges.
But.
Then.
When you look at the research, what a different picture emerges.
Let's have another round of citations, shall we?
(Gonna try Very Hard to not double up on citations here but listen, there's a lot in there).
"The rate of violence for bisexual victims is close to double compared to lesbian or gay victims and close to four times more compared to heterosexual victims." https://winnipeg.ctvnews.ca/bisexual-canadians-more-likely-to-experience-violence-statistics-canada-report-1.3957398
Bisexuals face worse general, sexual, and mental health outcomes than either straight OR gay and lesbian people:
https://assets2.hrc.org/files/assets/resources/HRC-BiHealthBrief.pdf?_ga=2.4630704.2006330169.1520451255-158543441.1520451255
https://assets2.hrc.org/files/assets/resources/HRC-BiHealthBrief.pdf?_ga=2.4630704.2006330169.1520451255-158543441.1520451255
"Bisexual women specifically experience sexual violence more often than straight and lesbian women- within the United States, approximately 75% report experiencing sexual violence" https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2017-11/lu-sfh111517.php
In the US, "Cisgender lesbian women (17.9%) have similar rates of poverty as cisgender straight women (17.8%)..
[but] nearly one in three (29.4%) transgender people and cisgender bisexual women fall below the poverty threshold"
https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/experts/soon-kyu-choi/lgbt-poverty-us/
[but] nearly one in three (29.4%) transgender people and cisgender bisexual women fall below the poverty threshold"
https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/experts/soon-kyu-choi/lgbt-poverty-us/
Here in Ireland: Bi people are more likely to self harm or to attempt/consider suicide than cis gay or lesbian people.
https://www.tcd.ie/equality/assets/docs/LGBTIrelandReport_KeyFindings.pdf
https://www.tcd.ie/equality/assets/docs/LGBTIrelandReport_KeyFindings.pdf
I could keep going but honestly- I figure you get the idea at this stage.
(possibly the idea you've gotten is that, holy-shit, I keep a lot of info on bi+ research in my back pocket. TRUE FACTS.)
(possibly the idea you've gotten is that, holy-shit, I keep a lot of info on bi+ research in my back pocket. TRUE FACTS.)
When you look at ALL of this research- and when you remember also that it's only very recently that bi+ people have been studied much at all separately from L&G people- that common-sense narrative just.. can't fit.
What looks obvious is simply not what's happening underneath.
What looks obvious is simply not what's happening underneath.
Let's try a different narrative, shall we?
It fuckin SUCKS to deal with overt homophobia from the world. Gawd, do I know it.
And yet, we come out anyway.
Why?
It fuckin SUCKS to deal with overt homophobia from the world. Gawd, do I know it.
And yet, we come out anyway.
Why?
We come out 'cause that little voice inside you telling you that you're living a lie is so, so much louder than any arsehole yelling slurs at you from a car when you're trying to pop out for groceries, or any of the whispers and funny looks from across the lecture hall or office.
That tiny little voice can be louder than the homophobia of your entire family and community. Louder than a lifetime telling you to just do things like everyone else and you can be fine.
Cause you can't be fine, can you? That little voice will never be quiet.
Cause you can't be fine, can you? That little voice will never be quiet.
And we come out and- if we're lucky- all that utterly fucking horrible and unfair shite pales before how damn good it is to be speaking with that voice on the outside too.
And then, if we're lucky, we find spaces to come out *into*. Ones where we're celebrated and belong.
And then, if we're lucky, we find spaces to come out *into*. Ones where we're celebrated and belong.
I mean, it's never quite as simple as that, of course. But if we can speak and feel truthfully and have people around us who Get It and who love us exactly as we are?
Most of us, most of the time, are gonna be alright. Better than alright.
Most of us, most of the time, are gonna be alright. Better than alright.
And there's the thing. Cause if you let that little voice out and you're told that your truth is a lie and the spaces that others come out into tell you that you're not quite as good or real as anyone else there?
It's crushing.
It crushes a LOT of us.
It's crushing.
It crushes a LOT of us.
And if even the people in your most intimate relationships tell you those things? And if the people you love feel that the only way you can truly love them is to twist that voice around and force it to tell yet another untrue story?
That will crush you, too.
That will crush you, too.
And if when you try to go to get help because gawd, you're harming yourself or the inside of your mind feels unbearable, or you're sick with the stress of it, or the person you love is using who you are as a stick to beat you.. and the person who's supposed to help does the same?
Some of us do get through that. But is it any surprise that it crushes so many?
And listen, those studies I linked you all to? Most of them don't specify a cause. Some do, most don't.
But that story I told fits the numbers so much better than the one where we are somehow more privileged and also poorer, more sick, and more abused. Doesn't it?
But that story I told fits the numbers so much better than the one where we are somehow more privileged and also poorer, more sick, and more abused. Doesn't it?
fin.
(finally.)
(finally.)
P.S.
EVERY time I use the word 'bi' in this thread I want you to remember that it's an umbrella term and every single thing applies to pan folks too. We have different words but we face almost identical marginalisations.
Pan lovelies: I
our differences AND our commonalities.
EVERY time I use the word 'bi' in this thread I want you to remember that it's an umbrella term and every single thing applies to pan folks too. We have different words but we face almost identical marginalisations.
Pan lovelies: I
our differences AND our commonalities.
