I was tlking to my friend about relationships & how you have to condition yourself to function at a normal level after experiencing a difficult relationship where you were either always anxious, sad, angry or some emotion on extreme ends of the spectrum.

If you had a relationship that was abusive or just extremely drama filled, it can be hard to function in a healthy, normal relationship afterwards. Because you’ve become used to “being on edge”, idling in high stress modes, being paranoid, or in constant state of anger or sadness

It’s a defense/coping mechanism & a reactionary response to the chaos of the relationship & your former partner. While it may have been helpful to some extent within that relationship, it no longer serves you & instead can begin to hinder you in your relationships following

You should start to regulate yourself emotionally, mentally & physically. Get used to operating at a normal baseline (w/e “normal” looks like to you), but try to recognize when you’re projecting or anticipating something bad happening or your partner doing something wrong

Try to remember that relationships aren’t always intense. Sometimes you have neutral days, some days are high energy, some are low, and all of them are valid and healthy. Get out of the habit of feeling like you constantly have to “head over heels” or heartbroken.

Embrace the “regular” feelings and start practicing recognizing when you’re in a constant state of intense emotional levels. It’ll also help you be able to recognize when you *truly* are anxious, nervous, worried, scared etc.

This is one of the best ways to prevent yourself from self sabotaging. Sometimes we think things are “too good to be true” because we’re used to turmoil. But contrary to popular belief, romantic relationships do not require a struggle, some kind of battle, pain etc. to be real