This is what I need folks to understand about calling the police on a suicidal person:

Even if the person survives that encounter, prolonging someone's life is NOT the same as saving it.

And if a police encounter results in significant trauma, you did not save their life.

When we're talking about multiply marginalized folks, especially folks of color? You are almost CERTAINLY endangering their life.

Not saving. Endangering, where the best possible outcome is additional trauma, and the worst is death.

And I know that it's so, so hard to know what to do in a crisis. I know that fear kicks in, adrenaline ramps up, and the urgency makes it tempting to dial three simple numbers to make the fear go away.

But it's not the answer for their pain. It only temporarily suspends yours.

If you know that a loved one has a history of mental illness that could result in a crisis, talk to them AHEAD OF TIME about what they would like you to do in that situation. Ask them who you should call, where they would prefer to go, and what their boundaries are.

If there are lethal means nearby, the first immediate step is to remove them from a situation where they can hurt themselves, either by securing any weapons OR by asking them if there is a safer place you can take them to. THEY get to dictate what safety means to them — not you.

"Can I take you to a crisis center?"
"Do you have a therapist that I can call?"
"Is there a friend/family member I can take you to?"
"Where can we go, to take you from a 10 on the pain scale to a 7 or so?"

Their input still matters, even and ESPECIALLY in crisis.

Many cities have mobile crisis units and hotlines, and there are also crisis centers that are equipped to handle these situations as well. Be familiar with the resources in your area, especially if you know that you have neuroatypical loved ones that might need it.

Because we are trying to deescalate a very activated nervous system — the "fight or flight" that happens in triggering, frightening situations — the last thing you want to do is introduce additional threats that will make their state more acute.

The question isn't "how do I stop this person from hurting themselves?" There are many ways to stop someone, and not all of them are actually contributing to their wellbeing. The question is, "How can I make this situation less dangerous?"

And I understand that every individual situation is unique, so ultimately everyone has to use their best judgment.

But the eagerness with which police are involved when there ARE, in fact, other options is terrifying, particularly when it's more likely to result in a tragedy.

Ultimately, we need to educate ourselves about what exists locally, open up conversations with our loved ones, and if a crisis happens, VERY honestly ask ourselves, "Is this the very best thing I can do for this person? Or simply the most convenient?"

And again, I can't speak to every individual situation, so please don't take this thread to mean that I'm commenting on a specific event in your life.

But we DO need to talk about the many instances of unnecessary retraumatization of suicidal people at the hands of police.