As I’m fully in the grip of Big Grief Week, some things I’ve picked up over the past 6 years:
1. Knowing someone is dying doesn’t make it any easier. If they’re in a lot of pain towards the end you may feel relief when they pass. This doesn’t make you a monster, just human.

2. Grief is universal but also unique. Just because you share DNA with someone doesn’t mean you’ll react to tragedy in the same way. Also, every loss is different. I grieved more for a childhood friend than a grandparent. There’s no right or wrong way to get through this.

3. You may want to numb your grief with alcohol, drugs or casual sex. You may try to spend yourself happy. You may treat your body like crap. Know this isn’t sustainable and you’re only delaying the inevitable: dealing with your feelings.

4. A big grief will leave a hole. The hole doesn’t get any smaller, life just grows around it like scar tissue. It doesn’t necessarily get better, you just get better at dealing with it.

5. Talking helps. Saying your loved ones name out loud helps. Not talking almost cost me my sanity. There are great charities who specialise in grief counselling. If your grief is impacting your ability to work, concentrate and function properly seek professional help.

6. Grief can cause physical symptoms. My brain and stomach stopped communicating properly after my mum died and I had to take tablets in order to digest food. I had a cold for almost a year. Panic attacks that felt life ending. See your GP if something doesn’t feel right.

7. Find people who are in the same shitty club as you. If your friends aren’t able to talk about your grief, the internet is full of members of the Dead Mum/Dad/Sibling/Child/Friend Club. You may not believe it but listening to other people’s grief stories helps @thegriefcast

8. I’ve been told the level of pain is proportional to the amount you loved someone which makes sense but really sucks. I wasn’t prepared. My mum taught me everything except how to live without her.

I may add to this but if you’ve lost someone close to you I’m sorry. Grief is not a competition and pain is not comparable so I can’t tell you I know exactly what you’re feeling but know you’re not alone. Be kind to yourself x

So much of this is just common sense but because of the silence and stigma around grief I didn’t know that my feelings were just a natural part of the grieving process. Which is why we (as a society) need more open conversations around grief and loss