Hello, all, it's thread-o-clock.

Today, we're going to describe various privacy issues using only John Mulaney gifs.

"Do you accept" at the end of an eternal and absolutely impenetrable terms of use agreement.

When companies ask for a ton of incredibly sensitive data that they don't need for no reason at all.

The current state of U.S. privacy law.

When you are asked for a ton of highly sensitive information and you DON'T. WANT. TO. SHARE.

Noticing that olfactory data is also personal information under the CCPA.

Every time another person says that privacy is dead and no one cares about it.

When I post a bunch of pictures on social media right after railing against sharing personal or biometric information.

The encroaching nihilism of hearing about a new massive data breach every other day.

Trying to convince companies to stop voluntarily turning data over to law enforcement with no warrants.

That feeling the very first time you use a blocking service to foil the cookies and advertisers.

When you realize that all the fun social activities you were doing online were being mined and shared with third parties and used to manipulate social norms THE WHOLE TIME.

Companies' reaction when we freak out realizing that every product and tech thing is spying on us all the time.

When a random flashlight app asks for access to my location data and full contact list.

When you try getting a company to identify a data processing basis.

When you find out an app you liked is now owned by one of the giant companies and all your data is theirs now.

Reading through a company's explanation of how they don't have to follow any privacy standards, even though they collect a ton of personal information.

Smart devices trying to identify how various parts of a home are being used.

When you realize law enforcement is partnering with companies to engage in mass surveillance on us all.

Me, knowing that none of my appliances or other home devices are going to be smart in any way or watch what I am doing.

Companies when you try to get them to justify use of a new technology they’re incorporating into everything.

My life, trying to stay on top of privacy law and various breaches.

Me to adtech companies compiling reams of highly personalized information about me to sell me products I don't want.

Me when ad companies notice me making one big purchase and deciding that it means I want to make that same purchase over and over until I die.

A new approach to facial recognition technology.

Companies when I ask if they have any third-party cookies on the site, but I can see them with uBlock.

Me whenever I hear about a new smart tech announcement.

Me throwing out a bunch of fake information mixed in with real information to screw up all the files on me.

Companies desperately cleaning up their image after a major privacy scandal or breach.

When someone points out the futility of several of my privacy measures, considering I am still actively on Twitter.

In conclusion, we should all be like our fathers.

Updates:

Privacy attorneys who started getting questions two minutes after the Schrems II decision was issued:

Privacy Shield suddenly popping out in the Schrems II decision that was theoretically just about the SCCs:

All of us waking up to the privacy world exploding on Twitter:

Response to US companies pointing out they have no control over US government surveillance actions.

My spouse asking about the state of privacy law just so I will start yelling at a family dinner.

My brain trying to review the new SCC drafts that were issued THE DAY after EDPB guidance on SCC supplementary measures.

New, shortened privacy policy drafts:

Me to the EU when they bring up once again that the U.S. government is a spying spy-er who spies:

When there is an "I consent" button and not option not to press it.

Me to privacy authorities releasing multiple new legal documents in a matter of days:

When a new regulatory update comes out right after I've just updated all my template drafts to comply with the prior version:

When companies voluntarily decide they are going to respond to all data subject requests in accordance with GDPR requirements regardless of where the data subject is from:

Me, refreshing my cookie blocker and identifier on a new site that claims it doesn't use third-party cookies:

To companies still trying to argue that the GDPR doesn't apply to them because they're not a European company in the year of our internet 2020:

Explaining why I’m a privacy lawyer now:

Trying to figure out if creators of yet another AI that “predicts crime” or some other phrenological nonsense don’t know the problems or don’t care:

Me to the European data protection authorities basically every day at this point:

When a company says data is anonymized and then in the same line says they can re-identify individuals from it if they want: