Vera and Gary sat one night
The sky was clear, the mood was right
The polls were out, the flags were high
Vera ate her shepherd’s pie
She licked her lips – she felt sublime
She turned on Brexit Question Time
Gary quaked with fear and dread
As Vera turned to him and said…
/1

Let’s do it! Let’s do it!
I want to take back control!
I’m tired
Of being required
To crush my xenophobic soul!
Oh give me
Sovereignty!
Let’s send those unelected bureaucrats to CoVENtry!
Let’s Brexit!
Let’s Brexit tonight!
/2

But he said:

We can’t do it
We can’t do it
Europe is our closest friend
We built it
Can’t jilt it
Do you want 60 years of peace to end?
We’re sovereign!
Why you bovverin’?
We just had a recession but we’re now recoverin’
We can’t Brexit
Can’t Brexit tonight
/3

But she said:

Let’s do it!
Let’s do it!
I only care for English folk
To this project
I object
The contributions leave us broke!
With that cash
We could splash
Three hundred million quid making the NHS flash!
Let’s Brexit!
Let’s Brexit tonight!
/4

But he said:

We can’t do it
We can’t do it
Stop a minute, think it through!
What we pay
Is our way
To sell into the whole EU
You stop it
You’ll block it
A tiny fee like that won’t leave us out of pocket
We can’t Brexit
Can’t Brexit tonight
/5

But she said:

Let’s do it!
Let’s do it!
This country has become a sham
Last Sunday
In Aldi
I came across some Polish jam!
Those migrants
Are vagrants
I can’t abide encountering a curry fragrance
Let’s Brexit!
Let’s Brexit tonight!
/6

But he said:

We can’t do it
We can’t do it
The EU workers keep us strong
Free movement’s
An improvement
To stop it would be simply wrong!
Use some thought
Please be taught
(You do realise that curry is an Asian import?)
We can’t Brexit
Can’t Brexit tonight
/7

But she said:

Let’s do it!
Let’s do it!
I want international trade deals!
We’ll go
WTO
We’ll sell them jam and jellied eels!
Our fine cheese!
Breakfast teas!
We’ll bring those European bastards down on their knees!
Let’s Brexit!
Let’s Brexit tonight!
/8

But he said:

We can’t do it
We can’t do it
Your strategy is full of flaws
Jam and tea
Can’t drive our economy
(Tea also comes from Asian shores)
Just quit it
Admit it
It’s as if you’d piled up all the country’s cash and lit it
We can’t Brexit
Can’t Brexit tonight
/9

But she said!

Let’s do it!
Let’s do it!
The people voted it, so there.
It’s treason
To ask me for a reason
Got a 52 per cent vote share!
Endorse it
We’ll sort it
I know it’s our victory ’cos we bloody bought it!
Let’s Brexit!
Let’s Brexit tonight!
/10

But he said:

We can’t do it
We can’t do it
You must think I’m I total twit
To believe
We should leave
When you can’t name one benefit
No aces
Just racists
Bloody minded bigots flapping gammon faces
We won’t Brexit
We won’t Brexit tonight.
/11

We won’t do it
We won’t do it
I see I’m talking with a bot
Your handle
Is Randall
Followed by some numbers, quite a lot
Must hush ya
Back to Russia
And stuff your silly rantings in the garbage crusher
We won’t Brexit
We won’t Brexit tonight.

(After Victoria Wood )
/12 and Ends

p.s.

You can't do it
You can't do it
I know you think you did, but wait!
Just listen
Beyond transition
You'll have a crisis on your plate
Please get real!
A trade deal
Will take a fair bit longer than a year to congeal!
You won't do it
You can't do it tonight....