Morning! Thinking about my personal experiences of and with “privilege”. I think in my personal life, with this as with many other things, I have often found myself having received both the short and long ends of the stick, sometimes seemingly simultaneously

The most intimate way I have experienced this is in my own family. I’m from a large family; my dad married twice, I’m the youngest by a long shot. I’m also obviously the fav child, which I never asked to be. I am v glad to have a niece who now carries that burden instead

When I was a child, all my siblings (we don’t say “step siblings”, and it doesn’t feel that way either, to me) were already teenagers or older. They had each other to socialise with as peers, I had... books & video games. Being the favorite did not diminish my isolation

I talked with my sister - who I love - about some of this recently. She’s 13 years older than me. And from her point of view, she feels that I isolated myself. Which... I don’t know. How could I have had that much agency as a child? We have to talk more to understand this better

My 3 oldest siblings are adult children from my dad’s first marriage. And my dad was not very nice to them growing up. (That’s their story to tell, not mine.) To their credit, they did not hate or resent me outwardly - or if they did, I didn’t detect any of it for 10+ years

My mum was not very nice to them either, which is something I didn’t know much about, and have had to learn about in my 20s. So... late night drinks at my sister’s place are often about me listening to my older siblings tell me their stories, their pain, their suffering

And whenever they tell me their stories, I always feel terrible for what they went through. I wish I could have shared in their pain, so it would be more fair. Life is not fair. I also find myself envying their camaraderie. Their suffering bonded them together. I had none of that

And also - understandably - they are not very interested in *my* stories about *my* troubles. What troubles could the golden child have?? Lmao!!

This is why a part of me *does* genuinely feel for white men, and the depressed children of billionaires. If you get it, you get it

I don’t think anybody deserves to feel isolated. It’s also obvious to me that it drives people towards hate. Idk about the big picture, but the little picture is lonely guys feeling worthless and unseen. Your suffering may be worse!!! But you probably have people who *care*.

It gets more complicated of course. There are lots of isolated and lonely people who somehow manage to avoid doing cruel, heinous shit to others. I consider myself one of them. What’s the difference? (That’s another story. Back to privilege.)

Another way in which I am privileged is that I am smart, & very obviously so in the context of my origin. My elder brother is not very smart, & he introduces me to others as “my ~genius~ brother”. I never wanted that. I never wanted him to feel lesser. But life is cruel & unfair

So I was an isolated kid who spent his time reading books while other kids were playing with each other. I sought (and found) kinship in words written by other lonely, isolated people from centuries past. When I write, I see myself as participating in this vast tradition of love

When I was 9 years old, there were some cool optional logic puzzle type tests in school. I liked puzzles so I participated. Turns out I’m “gifted” in the eyes of my education system. Yay...?

(Reader, it was both *very* yay and *very* not-yay.)

At 9 years old, you are told that you are the future elite. The leaders of the nation! My dad ran a small business hauling literal garbage, my new classmates were children of ministers and old money. Nobody prepared me for that experience. Could anybody have? probably not

The first thing that happens when you single out some minority as better than everybody else is... everybody else is not a fan. This was true for me in my family & it was true for me in school. As a child I felt like my *existence* was something I had to feel guilt & shame about

I’ve been asking old friends about their memories of me and it’s been a really... something... for me to read about my life through their eyes. This was from a classmate when we were 10. Kids are so much more observant than we give them credit for

Not all the gifted kids felt shame. Many quickly learned to simply avoid the peasants. After all, they’re them and we’re us! We’re destined to rule over them, to own them. We are a better breed of human being. I know people who feel this is *obvious*, ie not up for discussion

But as the garbageman’s son, I couldn’t relate to the self-indulgence of the ruling class, and as an isolated child, I couldn’t bear to shun anybody else. So I would straddle multiple worlds, lead a polytribal existence, learn to charm my way everywhere, but belong nowhere.

So here’s what I think.

Privilege is situational, contextual. It shifts, waxes and wanes. This may be difficult to see if you’re far from the fringes, and deep within a highly entrenched social order. But if you can get your ass to the fringes, you can see: everything is in play

Maybe being able to straddle multiple contexts is a privilege in of itself. Depends on how you frame it, really. As far as I can tell, it’s something few people do unless they have no home to go to. Is spiritual homelessness a privilege? It can be both a blessing and a curse

None of this is to imply any dumb, silly shit like “we should kiss the boot that crushes us” or “love solves everything” or “privilege isn’t real” or any of that. I don’t get to get out of extra airport security checks by saying “hey man, this brownness here? It’s ~situational~”

I think privilege is a useful concept in our collective cognitive toolkit and it has raised some important questions about the state and order of things. But each new lens becomes a new set of blinders. You cannot reduce the world into a hierarchy of privilege. It’s ~complicated~

While I was on a walk yesterday, I marveled at the moon and the sun both being in the sky at the same time. How wondrous it is, that we know what those orbs actually are, materially speaking. A nuclear reactor and a ball of rock. We *know* celestial bodies!! It’s profound

And I find myself thinking now, maybe there’s some hubris that comes with that. If we know the heavens, surely we can know the earth. alas, human systems are *way* more complex and complicated than celestial bodies. We are confidently grasping at clouds and punching the sea

Just to be clear - “You cannot reduce everything into hierarchies” does not mean “hierarchies are not real”. They are *so* real. In some ways, they are the realest thing - as TNC said, they crack bones and break teeth.

And to be more precise still - you *can* reduce everything to hierarchies if you want. When I say “cannot”, I really mean “you cannot do it without cost”. You *can* create a tidy model but it will be at the expense of nuance. You will simplify the world & strip of its wiggles

I think I started this thread with the thought, “I wonder if being the favourite child helped me appreciate male privilege better.” When my siblings tell their stories, it’s not about me. And when my wife tells me about her experiences with men, it’s not about me either.

Life:

While I said earlier “you can’t reduce everything to hierarchies”, here is a thread about hierarchies - (1) they’re not everything, but (2) they’re also more entrenched than some people realize. People get into disagreements about this when both are true https://twitter.com/visakanv/status/1031403542651625472?s=21