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“Everybody’s chain wrestling now, but who is naming these moves? Who’s in their tool shed, locking up their hammers thinking, ‘you know what? That’s a good name for a move’?”
"Don't get me wrong, Nelson. You're a nice guy, you're a great guy. I just feel like you're holding back the real you. I don't think you're giving me the full Nelson."
"Everybody's doing suicide dives, but nobody's dying. We always forget there's another person involved, the catcher. It really should be called the suicide homicide dive. If there's more than one person, it's the genocide dive and if it's into blue liquid, it's a barbicide dive."
“Is the German suplex really the best the Germans could do? Years of German engineering and innovation and you just recklessly dump a guy on the back of his head? Surely, the Irish must have an answer for this. ‘Nope, we just fling people by the arm.’”
“So a No DQ has holds that are barred, a No Holds Barred doesn’t let everything go, an Anything Goes Match lets everything go and a Street Fight is all of the above but you’ve got to wear jeans.”
"Only in wrestling does the Triple Threat match exist. You never hear, 'Oh the game was great. It was the Rangers vs the Leafs vs the Bruins. The Rangers were double teaming with the Bruins, then scored behind their backs, but the Hartford Whalers ran out to make the save.'"
"Body slam, elbow drop - did someone get a toddler to name these moves? 'Okay, Timmy, I put the guy between my legs, flip him up onto my shoulders, then drive him down on the mat. What would you call that?' 'Um, power...BOMB!'"
"Who is writing these theme songs? How many nondescript guitar solos can one preform?
'Alright, let's see, new wrestling song...I got it! A loud noise, followed by a pause and then 3 power chords repeated for 4 minutes. That'll do the trick.'"
'Alright, let's see, new wrestling song...I got it! A loud noise, followed by a pause and then 3 power chords repeated for 4 minutes. That'll do the trick.'"
"Is it necessary to keep referring to a wrestling ring as the 'squared circle'? Even the term 'ring' denotes a round shape. But I've run the ropes, I've taken some measurements, and we may want to drop this round circle theory altogether."
