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1. I want to talk a little about depression. The last twelve months have been some of the hardest I've experienced. Outwardly, there was no reason this should have been so. I finally made tenure, and my first book came out, leaving me more professionally secure than before...
2. I had a marvellous couple of months in Berlin. I've met some spectacular people and made wonderful new friends. But at the same time, I've been grappling with demons inside.
In some ways, this has been a long-standing thing - I've felt flat and melancholic as long as I...
In some ways, this has been a long-standing thing - I've felt flat and melancholic as long as I...
3. can recall; above all, I've always struggled with a sense of guilt at failing to fulfill my duties to others. But I never reached out for help, either from friends or professionals. I always told myself that I was coping - and that I shouldn't use resources...
4. that others needed more. It seemed self-dramatizing to describe myself as depressed when I was getting by. And friends who I've spoken to about it subsequently have expressed surprise: they saw me as the one who was succeeding and doing well mentally and emotionally...
5. The facade I put on seemed solid.
That all came tumbling down due to some personal experiences over the last year. I was forced to take a clear look at myself, to recognize the ways a sense of guilt drove me to overcompensate by driving myself too hard, and to examine my...
That all came tumbling down due to some personal experiences over the last year. I was forced to take a clear look at myself, to recognize the ways a sense of guilt drove me to overcompensate by driving myself too hard, and to examine my...
6. behaviour patterns without those counters.
It led to a near-breakdown: for the first time, I felt as if I was falling apart, no longer able to hold it together. A feeling of being overwhelmed, anxiety, and a hopeless despair all beset me. Things are better now, but...
It led to a near-breakdown: for the first time, I felt as if I was falling apart, no longer able to hold it together. A feeling of being overwhelmed, anxiety, and a hopeless despair all beset me. Things are better now, but...
7. it has been a long and difficult battle.
I was lucky: I had access to mental health resources, a good therapist, and a great psychiatrist. That medical help has been essential in stabilizing me - though it took me a long time to admit that I needed it...
I was lucky: I had access to mental health resources, a good therapist, and a great psychiatrist. That medical help has been essential in stabilizing me - though it took me a long time to admit that I needed it...
8. But even more important has been the help and support I've had from some very close friends and relatives. I'd never really opened up to people before - I was the one people came to with their problems, not the one who went to others! This experience has shown me how...
9. fortunate I am to have good, understanding, thoughtful friends, who have often stood by me even when my struggles have led me to behave badly, and who have helped me realize something vital: It's okay to admit you need help.
I'm profoundly grateful to every one of them...
I'm profoundly grateful to every one of them...
10. For me, this is an ongoing thing. I'm still working through a lot of matters that came up, figuring myself out, learning more about myself, and trying to be kinder to myself and better to others. Depression isn't something that just goes away and never comes back...
11. But now, at least, I'm no longer trying just to suppress the problem; I'm dealing with it, slowly, steadily, and with the help of others. Admitting that I couldn't manage everything on my own was the first step. That helped me see that I don't have to - no-one has to...
12. So I guess there are a couple of things I want to say about this. First, if you're going through this, it's okay to seek help. That goes both for severe depression and for chronic depression, or dysthymia. I went through decades thinking it was normal to feel kind of blue...
13. all of the time, and that I wasn't depressed enough to need or deserve help because I was still coping. Don't make the same mistake I did. Not only do you deserve better, so do those around you. In my case, my strategies for coping with my dysthymia and...
14. all the issues behind it ended up hurting those I cared about - as well as building up until it eventually poured out last year. You can be happy; you deserve to be happy. Reach out.
Second, mental & emotional health is just like physical health: if you stop looking after...
Second, mental & emotional health is just like physical health: if you stop looking after...
15. it, it will decline. In the past, there were a few times I came close to seeking help - but by the time I got round to it, I'd feel just sufficiently better that it didn't seem worth it. Now I've realized that I should be checking up on myself regularly to stay well...
16. Third, your friends are there for you. You are not letting them down by asking for their help for once. Humans are social creatures: don't tie yourself to mistaken ideas of autonomous individuality, and don't hold people at arm's length all the time...
17. Fourth, literally anyone could be going through depression. Most of the people I've spoken to about this have been amazed: they told me I always seemed to be confident, happy, and sorted. But since talking about it, I've learnt that many of my friends are in the same boat...
18. Often it's the people who put on the best face that are hiding the most, who doubt themselves, and who need the help of others. There is an awful stigma associated with mental and emotional illnesses that often stops people talking about it. Trust me, the one who...
19. is seemingly talking with greatest self-assurance is often plagued with doubt and a fear of being found out, and doing this to mask that. If you are going through this, you are not alone; we have to do everything to combat the stigma that stops people talking about it...
20. Don't be afraid to check up on your friends.
Thank you for reading, and be well.
Thank you for reading, and be well.
