"I Noticed That You Mentioned Silent Films So I Wanted to Come Over and Explain a Film I am Sure You Have Never Seen Called METROPOLIS" by Berthold Woltze

"Actually, D.W. Griffith Made a Film Glamorizing the KKK Because He Was So Non-Racist and It's PC College Students Who Are Turning People Against BIRTH OF A NATION" by Jean Beraud

"But Really, Have You Looked At Context? Nobody Was Offended By Anything Back In the Day" by Federico Andreotti

"My Five Minutes of Googling Are Just As Good As Your Years of Research and Thousands of Silent Film Viewings" by Edouard Manet

"So Really, If You Think About It, If Women Wanted To Be Directors They Should Have Worked Harder and--- aaaaaa..... (gurgle)" by Caravaggio

"If You'll Just Watch This 2 Hour YouTube Video, I Am Sure You Will Agree That Films Were a Meritocracy and Women-- HELP!!!!" by Artemisia Gentileschi

I don't have a SoundCloud to plug but please support film restoration.

You can watch lots of great restored silent movies legally and for free courtesy of the National Film Preservation Foundation:

https://www.filmpreservation.org/preserved-films/screening-room

Addendum:

"You Seem to Have Some Knowledge of This Topic So Let Me Butt in With the First Result From a Google Search, Text From Wikipedia and... What is the Hammer For?" by Artemisia Gentileschi

"No, You See He Invented the GRAMMAR of Film So I Am Technically Correct Even Though You Have Definitively Proved That All the Innovations Credited to Him Were Actually Invented by Somebody Else, Why Won't You Debate Me?" by Jean Béraud

"But by Blocking Me You Have Actually Proven My Point Even Though You Debunked All of My Claims and, Anyway, I Will Just Log Into My Wife's Account to Continue Our Debate... Why is There a Peg Against My Head?" by Jacopo Amigoni

"Sure, You Have Actually Seen the Films You Are Discussing But I Read Something Different in an Outdated Textbook Fifteen Years Ago, So You Really Must Admit That I Win This Round" by Boris Kustodiev

"All I Said Was That Her List of Top Five Favorite Films Was Obviously Wrong Because It Wasn't My Top Five and My List Was Created Through Objective Logic. Typical Female Overreaction" by Peter Paul Rubens

"*I* Didn't Insult You, I Merely Replied With a Quote That Stated Anyone Holding Your Opinion is an Idiot, Why Can't Women Engage in Civil Debate?" by Trophime Bigot

"But, Really, Everything Can Be Explained by the Invisible Hand and Laissez-faire Economics, So Major Studios Were Actually Within Their Rights When They Junked Their Silent Films and-- SHRIEK!!!" by Pedro Núñez del Valle

(Note: Film Bros who took one semester of economics are the WORST)

"I Mean, Really, What Are You Besides a Blogger With a Twitter Account? The Fact That You Have Evidence and Sources Is Neither Here Nor There" by Pietro de Cortone

"But Nosferatu Was Saved Because of Piracy So I Am Completely Justified in Ripping Copies of Every Film in the Library" by Jan Steen

(People actually do this! Like, saving a nitrate film from destruction is not the same as pirating a $20 mass produced Bluray. I can't believe I've had to explain this but I have.)

"Excuse Me? Ma'am? You Do Know Fritz Lang Was An Important Director, Right? I Just Assumed You Didn't" by Heinrich von Angeli

"I Am All About Empowering Women and Hearing Them Speak But You Are Wrong and Let Me Talk Over You and Tell You Why" by Hugues Merle

"Since You Posted Maurice Chevalier's Rarebit Recipe, I Hope You Are Prepared to Answer For His Residency in Vichy France" by Jules Salles-Wagner

This one LITERALLY happened exactly as described. Maurice's rarebit was meh and had ZERO hallucinogenic properties and I still don't have to answer for his Vichy residency.

"By Linking to My Publicly Available Article, This Woman Has Declared War on Me, Tweet 1 of 765" by Benjamin West

"You Posted a Long Thread That Didn't Tag Me So I Have Every Right to Post a 4,688 Tweet Response That Tags You" by Hugues Merle

"Since You Said You Don't Like John Wayne, I Am Going to Name Every Film He Acted in One at a Time and Expect a Detailed Explanation of Why You Dislike Each One" by Theodore Watts-Dunton after Dante Gabriel Rossetti

"There Were No Good British Filmmakers Before Hitchcock No Matter What You Say and the Fact That You Have Seen Pre-Hitch Pictures and I Haven't Is Neither Here Nor There. If They Were Worth Seeing *I* Would Have Seen Them" by George Clint

"I'm Adding You to My Syllabus" by Sofonisba Anguissola

This has happened twice! Though, for the sake of full disclosure, one incident was a woman. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

"I Haven't Bothered to Read Your Piece But I Would Like to Bring Up a Ridiculously Obvious Line of Reasoning That I Am Certain You Forgot to Include" by Aert de Gelder

Side Note: I performed thread necromancy because this last week has been horrendous for exactly this kind of thing and it was either raise the dead or be really annoyed and depressed so I chose the former.

"THIS THREAD IS NOT FUNNY AND I CAN'T BELIEVE THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO FIND IT FUNNY AND NO IT DOES NOT HIT A NERVE WITH ME" by Giovanni Andrea Sirani

We have hit peak meta!

"This Is An Old Thread And You Have Already Answered This Line of Questioning Multiple Times But I Want You To Take The Time To Defend Your Position Again, I Deserve It" by James Tissot

"The Fact That You Don't Want To Spend All of Your Time on Twitter Defending Your Taste is Evidence That You Don't Want to Engage In Civil Debate With Me, a Man" by Marinus van Roejmerswaelen

"Excuse Me, But I Am Going to Hijack This Discussion to Announce That I Have an MFA in Film" by Lucas Cranach the Elder

Some people collect butterflies. I collect... This.

The thread will grow as I encounter new specimens here and on my site.

It's enormously therapeutic.

"I Know You Mean Well But You Obviously Do Not Understand the Underlying Concept of the Thing You Have Been Discussing for Years" by Simon Glücklich

"I Have Been Repeatedly Attacking a Strawman Argument and You Have Repeatedly Stated That You Were Not Arguing That Point So I Think We Should Agree to Disagree" by Gustav Wappers

"And so, in conclusion, I Hope You Didn't Think I Was Mansplaining" by Luigi Crosio

"Since You Publicly Tweeted an Opinion, That Gives Me Every Right to Camp Out in Your Mentions and Be a Reply Guy" by Marcus Stone

I am just going to keep adding to this thread as I find new specimens in the wilds of Twitter. It's much healthier for me than getting annoyed.

"I Don't Like the Company That Released the Home Media Edition of This Film and So I Want You to Remove All References To It From Your Website, I Think That's a Reasonable Request" by Jean Béraud

(I swear this happened.)

"I Crashed Your Mentions to Yell at You But Twitter's Algorithm Made Me Look At Your Tweet, So I Am the Real Victim Here" by Howard David Johnson

"Because You Mentioned That You Admire the Early Work of This Director, You Are Now Officially Required to Answer for Everything He Ever Said or Did, It's the LAW" by Tihamér Margitay

"I Noticed Your Tweets About Not Seeing the Latest MCU Film So Allow Me to Zing You. What's That? You Say You Made the Screengrabs I Tried to Zing You With? Typical Feminazi" by Carel de Moor

"I See You Dislike Media Corporations But You Need to Do More Research Before Spreading Your Vitriol Because They're Actually Benevolent and Aaaaaaaaaa!!!" by Elisabetta Sirani

"Your Tweeting About One Thing Automatically Means You Do Not Care About Anything Else, In This 85 Minute Video I Shall..." by Benjamin West

"Little lady, it looks like you need my help with the basic definition of 'silent film' because it's not like you're paid to produce, restore or write about them-- oh, you are?" by Jean-Honoré Fragonard

"But You Are Surely Aware That D.W. Griffith Has No Less Than FIVE Films Listed in the 1001 Movies to See Before You Die Text?" by Gabriel Metsu

"You Posted Information About Women in Comedy But Because You Included Stars You Like and Not Stars I Like, They Don't Exist/Are Not Really Women" by Nicolas Poussin

Once again, these are the original hits by the original artists. Every single one of these has happened to me (identities disguised to protect the manly mansplainers) and I receive new samples regularly.

Sit a spell, this thread will continue to grow.

"Okay, So I Am Contradicted by the AFI, the BFI, the Library of Congress, Film Footage and Photos. I Still Think I Have a Valid Point and We Are Both Equally Right" by Paolo Veronese

"The Thing You're Mentioning is Not on This Wikipedia Page. Why Don't You Do Research Before Speaking?" by Herbert James Draper

"So, Really, You Owe Me a Platform to Post Illegal Versions of Copyrighted Works. Your Enjoyment of Those Works Means You Must Also Advocate Piracy" by August Spiess

"The Evidence You Produced Refutes My Claims So Allow Me to Move the Goalposts and Frame the Conversation Through a Pedantic Definition I Have Just Invented" by Jan De Bray

"You Posted Material for the General Audience But Let Me Butt In With More Technical Terminology That Does Not Actually Match the Point You Were Making But Makes Me Feel Smart" by Gaspar van den Hoecke

"So You're Saying it WASN'T a Good Idea For Him to Order You to 'Stick to Silent Movies' When You Were Discussing the Racism of Birth of a Nation?" by Artemisia Gentileschi

"When I Said That We Shouldn't Bicker About This, I Actually Meant That I Would Continue to Lecture You and You Wouldn't Be Allowed to Reply" by Mather Brown

"The Cheeky GIF You Used Means That You Agree With the Message of Both the Film From Which It Came AND Anything That Inspired Said Film" by Richard Dadd

(I kid you not, I had a DW Griffith fan try a "Gotcha!" like that. It was a Foghorn Leghorn GIF. I am still a bit impressed by the reach, not gonna lie.)

"You Described the Actor As 'Running' in This Film But He Was Actually Capering or Possibly Scampering, I Await Your Thanks for My Clarification" by Jan de Bray

"Dear Madam, I Am Offended That You Called Leni Riefenstahl a Nazi. I Am Happy That I Got To See Triumph of the Will on the Big Screen When I Was Young" by Gabriel Metsu

"I've Flooded Your Mentions With Nonsensical Claims That Were Debunked Years Ago But Since I Have Shared My Research, I Expect You to Share Yours" by Jules-Arsène Garnier

It's been a week, guys. It really has.