Honored to be included in this thoughtful musing. Here, I'll thread more of the answers I wrote to @EhyehLeah since obviously she could only include a small snippet in her own thinking. (Honored to be quoted alongside @jaclynf @CherylStrayed @RevJenButler here!) So, thread: https://twitter.com/EhyehLeah/status/1021503046969421824

I want to distinguish between "atonement," "forgiveness," and "repentance," which are three different concepts in Judaism. The critical one, in my view, is repentance, where the real work is on the person who has done harm.

There are specific steps to repentance work: 1) owning the harm perpetrated (ideally publicly); 2) do the work to become the kind of person who doesn't do harm (which requires a ton of inner work) 3) Make restitution for harm done, in whatever way possible

4) THEN apologize for the harm caused in whatever way that will make it as right as possible with the victim 5) when faced with the opportunity to cause similar harm in the future, make a better choice.

Forgiveness is up to the victim (and the victim alone). Atonement is up to God. So I think the conversation here is about the repentance work that perpetrators have, or haven't, done.

Re: dudes angling for comebacks: A public apology doesn't prove the inner work has happened, & a few months away isn't long to be gone given the work that must be done. Frankly, jumping back into the spotlight at the first opportunity raises suspicions abt where their focus is.

I'd look for a shift in priorities if I wanted to understand their sincerity. For example: An investment of their significant wealth into work protecting victims of assault and harassment or preventing similar harm.

I'd look for proactive restitution work directly to all the perpetrator's victims--whether financial restitution or interpersonal reconciliation work if the victim was open to that or something else directed to the person harmed--not to the public.

I'd look for a stepping away from the ego-stroking, power-holding limelight that made the harm so easy to perpetrate in the first place.

On a human, ethical level there is always a path towards repentance, towards understanding the harm perpetrated and doing the work of repair and restitution, to whatever degree that is possible.

We can always grow & change & become better, & even if we can't fix the harm done, can address it to the full extent possible. Does that mean that we as a society are obligated to reward men who have done harm w/more opportunities for wealth & celebrity? I don't think it does.

Rather, I think at this moment, doing that causes more harm than good. There are many talented people who have not caused this kind of harm, and we as a society can choose to invest in furthering their work instead--and sending a clear message about not tolerating rape culture.

And again, forgiveness is up to the victim (and the victim alone). Atonement is up to God. It's not up to us, curious third parties waiting to be entertained, to make the determination re: whether that person is or should be forgiven or absolved. It's not our place.

"Society" can't decide if the person is forgiven or atoned. "The network" can't make that decision, or "the fans." We have to continue to remember that.

Going to spell this out because I guess it’s not explicit: in Judaism, you can do tshuvah/repentance work and even get right with God (be atoned) even if your victim never forgives you. They’re separate processses.

The perpetrator must seek forgiveness genuinely (and repeatedly—three times, to be exact) but the perpetrator being forgiven isn’t a necessary part of their tshuvah/repentance process. (Tshuvah literally means “return,” like coming back to where you were supposed to be).

Note that part of doing tshuvah, according to the classical literature, is accepting consequences of your actions. So in the case of sexual misconduct, that may include willingly receiving consequences from the criminal justice system.

It’s not just about “doing the time”, though. It’s also about active work of repair and reparations and seeking forgiveness (again: different from receiving it) and transforming into the kind of person who doesn’t do that thing anymore. Even when given the opportunity to do so.

Again: whether or not victim(s) have forgiven is a separate conversation, and their business. Not ours.

Also, go reread the steps of repentance at the top again. Owning the harm done publicly and apologizing to the victim are different steps that happen at different parts of the process. Obviously some of the former is also in the latter but they are not the same thing.

Not sure why this thread is making the rounds again but here’s the article it grew into, which expands and nuances some of this, & concretizes with both positive and less positive examples: https://www.washingtonpost.com/amphtml/outlook/famous-abusers-seek-easy-forgiveness-rosh-hashanah-teaches-us-repentance-is-hard/2018/09/06/c2dc2cac-b0ab-11e8-9a6a-565d92a3585d_story.html

And here’s what happened when I applied these concepts to American racism, in context of the historical atrocities of enslavement of Black people and genocide of Native Americans, and everything that’s happened since: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/posteverything/wp/2017/09/18/we-still-have-time-to-repent-for-american-racism/?tid=a_inl-amp

(Yes, I am in the process of writing a whole entire book about all this, due from @BeaconPressBks in 2022.)